THE K-9 FILES

SOME HISTORY

I rent a room in a basement of a house in which a family lives. They live upstairs. While I'd rather have a place of my own, the price is right and their is nothing like coming home to a home cooked meal.

Also living in this house is the family dog who goes by the name of "NICEY", I shall not reveal his last name to protect his identity. He is a cross between a Terrier and Shitzou therefore he barks while shitting. The following is an experiment in which I intend to discover the inner most workings as well as unlock the vast mystery involving man's best friend.

K-9 Experiement #1

NAME RECOGNITION

*Jan 09, 2005. 10:05pm

Upon entering the house I observed the subject in his crate either unaware or inadvertent of my presence. This I found odd, in my past experiences most dogs react to visitors by meeting them at the door.

Experiment: After calling his name several times while adding several variables of whistles subject appears to be unresponsive. However the animal did respond after the squeaking of his favorite squeaky toy.

Conclusion: Because of a deep seeded past subject is unmotivated by humans and has tendencies of violence toward squeaky toys.

K-9 Experiment #2

TUG OF WAR

*Jan 12th 6:07pm

I observed subject barking for several hours at a light fixture. This was strange considering the light was off and completely stagnant. After several family members yelled and screamed at subject to no avail I reached for the nearest squeaky toy for a response.

Experiment: A game of Tug of War to study it's effects on subject's reflective and cognitive skills.

Conclusion: Subject is extremely competitive using a series of growls as an intimidation tactic. However lacks the skills to realize his own stature and strength. Upon closer inspection subject bit me.

K-9 Experiment #3

DORMANT SLUMBER

*Jan 16th 2005. 11:54am

I observed subject sprawled out on the couch, belly exposed, with legs open pointed toward the ceiling. He appeared to be in a state of slumber and in REM sleep. I say this because his legs jolted periodically yet his eyes were closed as if he were dreaming of playing Tug of War.

Experiment: To study a sleeping animal's senses to it's outside environment. Upon approaching subject I found it strange that he remained motionless. Calling his name. Motionless. Yelling his name. Motionless. Dangling beef jerky, roast beef, and chicken cordon bleu. Completely MOTIONLESS. After much puzzlement, contemplating whether the beast had met his maker. I decided to investigate further.

Conclusion: Subject suddenly attacked and bit me again.

K-9 Experiment #4

Final Analysis

After many days of observing the behavior and habits of our subject Nicey, I have come to a startling conclusion. Nicey is not so nicey. I have also come to realize that over the course of this week it seems the dog is observing me for his own experiment. I came to this theory after finding a notebook entitled. "HUMANS - Intelligent or Not?" Under his doggy dish.