To the Center of the City in the Night
Waiting for You
"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call...Los Angeles"
Here I am 8 months later, I mean I think it's been 8 months now. This place seems to have a way of displacing time. I've been many places, and seen maybe things, some good, some gross. Quite a few wackies and some sane people. I've worked the comedy clubs as diligently as a beaver with a steak knife. I've become a regular at the HA-Ha Cafe in Hollywood. I know it sounds so Hollywood saying the word Hollywood. I've been hosting there for the past few weekends and it's been a blast.
Heavy Sleeper On one particular weekend an interesting thing happened during my set. It was a packed house, I'm on stage, everything is peaches. I look to my left and in the middle of all these laughing people is a woman fast asleep. I'm talking slumber, her legs up on a chair and everything. I stop mid-bit and just had to say something. "Um, is that a woman sleeping in the middle of a comedy show? Either shes dead or I'm terrible. Talk about killin em." I went on, milking it for every penny, the audience is going wild, but still she lay asleep. I proceeded to sing her a lullaby, and walk off the stage with the mic. At the end of the song she magically awoke to find and entire audience staring at her and laughing. Quite the shock, to which I ensued, "Good Morning" Needless to say the poor thing had one to many and sorta passed out. Drunks can do that ya know, pass out anywhere. I once passed out at a Rave club on a speaker.
Serial Joke Thief On another night another interesting thing happened, yea. I'm not about hating on other comics, in fact comedians are like frat brothers, we love each other but then get into fights when we sleep with the same girl. Anyway, one night in walks this comic who we shall refer to as Dicky Kraps. Dicky walks in and is in a hurry. He has another set and needs to go up first, asked if the host could cut his opening set short so he can split. Form your own opinions I will say nothing more. So he gets on stage, I don't think he's bad at all, in fact pretty good. Later on I'm chatting with the other comics and they tell me this story about how Dicky Kraps was a Boston comic who got run out of town for stealing other comic's material. This I found revolting. After a little google-ing, I found an article about the story. It stated that a bunch of comics got wind that Mr. Kraps was stealing jokes. They confronted him in a green room at the back of a comedy club and from what I understand got his ass beat like a red headed step child on fathers day.
All I have to say is news travels fast comedy fans. Don't steal other peoples shit, it's NOT COOL. Fine some things are ok to steal like cable or ashtrays but not jokes. They are like our children, it takes years to raise them, they eat up all your sanity, and sometimes they spit up. If he takes one of mine I'm gonna call an amber alert on his ass.
Go for the Green A few days ago I was picked to be a contestant on this new game show called, "Go for the Green", hosted by Tom Green. There were about 50 of us waiting outside on benches most of the day. So we got to know each other. Quite the cast of characters. One guy who we shall refer to as Stan, was a cool California dude who's overbearing enthusiasm and packaged personality quickly wore thin among the group. He would do things like stand in front of everyone to make sure he was in the shot and then say jokingly, "Am I in your way." A girl who was seated next to him for a short while stood up and said, "His testicles are just to big to be sitting next to him." After awhile people wanted to kill Stan but he wasn't the worst....well he was but their was this one guy who would just yell out inappropriate phrases at the most inappropriate times. We were in the studio with Tom Green and he just yells out, "Your not Dane Cook!" To which Tom Green replied, "Yes I am."
I actually appeared on TomGreen.com, at the end of a video clip called, "Go for the Green". Check it out and see if ya spot me.
Another interesting fellow looked very familiar to me, as if I've seen him before. Yes on TV, but where? We get to talking in a group and he says that he has in fact appeared on TV many times. Maury, Montel, the News. Apparently his girlfriend stabbed him 9 times in a public restaurant and he was dead for 2 minutes. He pulls up his sleeves to reveal the scars and explains that she stabbed him because he was breaking up with her. So remember kiddies, if your going to dump someone send an email.
Upcoming Appearance Check me out on Fox fall'08 on a special called World's Greatest Magic Tricks Revealed. All I'm going to say is I'm the guy in the tuxedo hanging upside down playing the violin. Peace LaZ JustLaz.com