All Night Shoots

WEBSITE UPDATED

I've added some new videos to my website check em out under videos.

The DVD Shoot

A very good comedian friend of mine called me to ask if I was available to shoot a sketch that he wrote. He started his own production company and even got a distribution deal to produce his very own DVD series called The Victor Cruz Show. Of course I accepted the invitation and was very excited to work with him again. We have been working together for some years in the comedy club circuit as well as on the T.V. show LLEGAMOS on LTV.

Ghetto Central

The shoot began at 9pm, a night shoot, at in an apartment in Spanish Harlem. I arrived thirty minutes early and stood in front of the building looking very out of place. Although I am Spanish myself, the sketch called for me to play an announcer and so I already had my suit on and in that neighborhood I stuck out like a sore brown thumb. I smoked a cigarette to appear “tougher” and waited for the crew to arrive.

Super Zit

After 2 and a half cigarettes they finally arrived and up we went into the apartment building. While the crew was setting up I began to study my lines. It was challenging because I had mini-monologues through out the script and couldn’t seem to get the grammar down. On top of that I had this monster zit right on my nose, it was a super pimple. I went into the bathroom and began caking my zit with make-up and by the end of the process the hill now looked like a mountain. I now attempted to take focus off that part of my face by pasting on a Groucho like mustache that nearly covered my lips. The director almost rejected the mustache but after giving him a taste of my character he decided to keep it.

Can You Say PENDEJO?

The script was a commercial spoof for a product called “Pendejo Watchers”, for those of you whom are non Spanish speakers, Pendejo means pushover, chump, jackass, and pussy – whipped bitch boy all wrapped into one. It was about how men today let women walk all over them because they are too passive aggressive. In our efforts to please the modern woman we men have giving up being men for being life partners, it really is a sad state of affairs. I myself am traditionally modern and try to be a little bit of both. In the skit a man presents his girlfriend with 2 tickets to a concert and she takes it upon herself to invite her cousin Tita, leaving her man alone at home. At which point the announcer enters and gives the man a special “Pendejo Card” in order for him to keep track of all the times he became a chump. After accumulating a certain amount of “Pendejo Points” the man is now allowed to check the “Not this time Bitch” box and have his revenge.

TIME a TICKIN

After a few hours it dawned on me that after 1am on a week night the buses going back to New Jersey were few and far in between. This made me nervous, agitated and stressed out. I can’t be stuck in the city all night when I have to get to work by 8am the next morning. I implored my friend to get me wrapped up before 1am but by 12:45 I knew this wasn’t going to happen. After I voiced my concerns I felt childish and unprofessional after all I didn’t want to rush them and burn any bridges but what could I do. By 2am I had given up trying to go home and just accepted the fact that I may be stranded. Being in this state of mind I could not concentrate and so when my part came up I could not remember my lines for the life of me. It started to become a nightmare and I was embarrassed. Standing in front of the camera I pulled myself together and delivered the lines as best as I could to no avail. Finally I just started to improv the speech hitting the points as close as possible. Every one was tired but the director remained patient and I appreciated his attitude.

That’s a Wrap!

We finally finished by 3am and the crew offered to give me a ride all the way back to Jersey which saved me. After we loaded up the car we had a long ride back and all I did was think about how tired I would be the next morning. The things I do for my career. I wasn’t happy at all with my performance and wished I could have planned this night out better, oh well, live and learn I guess. To end the night when I got to my car I found a big fat ticket on my windshield to go along with my big fat pimple.

I got to my bed by 4am and just thanked God I was home and not in the middle of Time Square. I barely awoke 3 hours later and drove to work half asleep in a zombie state of mind.

A Comment on Comments

Recently I received a comment that someone from a nursing home that follows this blog passed away. While I did not know this person I was touched by the comment and needed to respond to it. Life is so precious and all we have in the end is our memories. I would like you to know that when I received this news I was very saddened and offer my condolences to her friends and family. I’m sure she was a beautiful person who was surrounded by friends. I can only hope that this blog provided them with a smile every once in a while. Thank you for being part of my life. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Until next time God Bless.

Muggy Mayhem

The Summer of Laz

Summer is coming to a close and I still haven’t gone to the beach. I haven’t even splashed in a freakin pool. I was contemplating taking a shower in my swimming trunks. All that will change however, fore this Saturday I’m going to Mountain Creek Water Park! I cannot wait to thrust myself down a plastic tube at 90mph on a thin matt made of foam crashing blindly into a pool.

Back to Comedy School

I have been however working steadily. I recently got hired as an improver for this company called the Improv School. If you don’t know what an improver does I shall explain. An improver has no lines and has no clue what they are going to do or say before they perform, they simply make up a situation up on the spot. It’s just like that show on TV “Who’s Line is it Anyway” < ---good show. Anyway, this group performs for kids in schools around the tri-state area. Its teacher whom we will call “The Professor” has taught me quite a bit about this art form. He studied with the best teachers at Second City in Chicago and has been giving us a crash course on his style of performing. It’s been very insightful and has been quite challenging trying to prepare this for children. You have to be squeaky clean; there is no room for error here. All the actors that are involved are really solid actors and I feel comfortable around them. I thought I was a genius at comedy until I started training for kids, which bought me back to reality real quick. I haven’t done a show yet but I love kid audiences they are really attentive and have a great sense of imagination, I hope I can reach their level. Check out their website:

Abnormal Summer

Last week my latest show “Abnormal Stew” opened to a whopping 3 people at a tiny lil theatre space on 36th street. The experience was indeed abnormal. One of our fellow actors that we will call “DIVA” decided that after 2 months of rehearsals he was no longer going to be a part of the show. He cited the following reasons:

• Those actors aren’t working hard enough. They are unprofessional. • I am doing all the work with no help from anyone what so ever. • I should be the star of the show with my name prominently displayed in lights.

He voiced these concerns after our last rehearsal in which he became drunk and incoherent, disappearing into the bathroom, refusing to finish are one and only run thru with us. To top it off he left us high and dry with only a few days left until the next show. If that isn’t a pillar of professionalism I don’t know what is.

The 5 of us got together and hashed out a solution to our missing main character. Needless to say we pulled it off without a hitch. We actually ran a smooth show that was actually funny. It was tighter and everyone seemed to have more fun with it. To think all we needed to do was get rid of DIVA and his sub par infantile acting technique not to mention his nonsensical rambling style of writing. Come join us any Monday night, all the info is on my website:

www.JustLaz.com

Speaking of which I just revamped my website. Soon I will be adding video and lots of other cool stuff, so check it out.

VIVA AMERICA

A few weeks ago I appeared on a TV show called “Viva America”. I was invited to be their guest comedian for that week. Viva America is an English show about Latino’s in the industry of fashion, food, and the arts and airs on BET jazz every Saturday night at 10pm.

I got called in a day before the shoot, which was on a weekday so I had to take off of work. I can’t tell you how important it is to have a job that allows you such flexibility. I had to meet the camera crew at a restaurant in upper Manhattan called Bohio. It’s a Latin style restaurant (duh). The head chief is also the owner of this establishment. I walked in and immediately recognized one of the camera guys from the TV show LLEGAMOS that I did last year. We said our hellos and he then introduced me to the producer, she was very nice and thanked me for being there. They explained to me what I was to do and asked me to wait until they finished the current segment they were filming. They were to interview the head chief.

I quietly sat in the back watching the interview take place. They had set up a table full of some of his dishes and drinks. After the interview was over I was invited over to try out some of his delicacies. Let me tell you this food was awesome. I didn’t want to be rude and just dog the entire thing so I just took a small bite of each course to try it.

It took only 15 min to film all three of my segments. I had to tell 2 or 3 jokes in the span of 30 seconds or so. The hard part was trying to tell these jokes without an audience but I quickly adapted and conveyed my feelings to the camera as if it were a person. What a great experience.

COMMENTS UNKNOWN

Thanks to everyone who has left comments for me, they are much appreciated. However remember that when you leave a comment I do not know whom it is from because it is automatically anonymous. To those of you who wish to remain that way all the more power to you but to those people, who know me, please be sure to leave a name or I won’t know whom the comment is from. Thank you again – That is all.

Mid-Summer Adventures

GREETINGS CYBER LITERATES So two entries ago, I mean since all of you are following so intently, 2 entries ago I mentioned a play I got cast in. “Abnormal Stew”. Well it’s been a couple of months of rehearsal and I’m pleased to say that it has been quite the adventure indeed. The show opens in 22 days from today so there is still plenty more to come.

We rehearse twice a week in different locations around the city. I have gotten to know many spaces and found a whole world of performers in little rooms with pianos in them, singing their butts off, more rooms full of oddly shaped mirrors and strange carpets, huge rooms with endless ceilings high up on the 16th floor. Hallways of performers scurrying along, drinking their bottled water, having casually formal conversations about art and culture, nervous actors with scripts in their hands preparing the performance of their entire lives. It’s a vibrant universe of chaotic expression. I fit right in.

We have come a long way from the first draft of the script and now are well on our way to a full rounded show. Every show I do is different and this one….is no different. The best way to describe it is an absurd play. It’s full of grotesque wackiness and makes no apologies for it’s content. I must say it’s nice not to apologize. If you are not easily offended you will probably be offended. Not for the pregnant, infantile, or elderly. The main character is a perverted coked up sock monkey. What is a Sock Monkey you ask? Well, the important thing is that he’s coked up and perverted.

AND NOW A MOMENT WITH LAZ

This summer (so far) has been exciting but also difficult. I don’t really talk about my personal relationships here, I’m not really sure why. I think I’ve been closed up emotionally for a long time, by that I mean I haven’t been honest with others nor to myself. I put up a front, a fake representative of myself. I’ve been playing the part for so long that I forgot who I was. I’m being really vague. Ok…I’ve had a steady girlfriend for 3 years and just recently the relationship ended. There. I cared for her very deeply and because of that reason I had to let her go. It’s hard for me to really write any more details because it’s just difficult to speak about.

Laz, you ask, what does the above have to do with your comedy career? Well Chico, I’ll tell you. Comedy is an extension of who you are. What you do on stage should reflex your entire spectrum of being. ß--At this juncture I feel as though I speaking out of my ass, forgive me. I shall blog again when I can escape this horrid cloud of haze.

Confessions of an Impersonator

RED - WHITE - AND OLIVE

July 4th weekend, the official non-official start of the summer. Bar-B-Que’s a burning, kids screaming mainly because school is out for the summer, and old people come out into the sunlight.

CARNIVAL THRILLS This July 4th weekend I took my gal out to the Meadowlands Carnival. It’s the state fair and I try to go every year. I had called some college friends to come and join us and they met us at the gate. Although we didn’t hang out for long, they wanted to eat and with oh so much stuff to do at the carnival I wasn’t about to wait.

I remember one summer in high school I had a friend whose family were carnival folk and to avoid paying for rides I graciously volunteered myself to “help out” around the carnival so to speak. I was put in charge of the kiddy swing ride, not having any experience in the carnival arts whatsoever I thought starting out in charge of running a machine that propels little kids in a circle at high speeds was the perfect choice. After several hours of frolicking around the fair grounds I decided to give up rides. Not because I’ve had my fill but from witnessing the put together and taken apart of these rides. All I remember is thinking, “I was this close to death on this ride and that close to amputation on that ride.”

But this is the STATE fair after all, not a crumby town fair. Surely its inhabitants take better care of the rides. We went on one ride….once. The pirate ship. After that it was all the games you could afford. We played shooting games, tossing games, getting conned for 5 bucks games, it was great!

Around 10pm, after the pig races, don’t ask, we made our way over to the Hypnotist show. I love this show, I see it every year, well I get on stage almost every year and this year was no different. The hypnotist asked for a bunch of volunteer’s from the audience but I did not get picked so on to plan B. I pretended to get hypnotized in the audience, I hate to say pretended but there is no other word I can use. After he was dissatisfied with a few he had originally picked he had them sit back down, took one glance at me and called me up. I followed his instructions like a seasoned pro and soon it was a back and forth between myself and the hypnotist. I don’t know if he remembers me from all the years I’ve been on stage with him but even so, it feels like we have this unspoken relationship, consciously or subconsciously. The audience was about 1000 strong and I could feel their energy thru their laughter. At the finally the hypnotist posed one more challenge, “To the one I am touching right now, when I say the word tickets, you will run back up on stage and become the R&B star R. Kelly, and you will dance and perform to his song Yea-Yea”.

I went back to my seat and upon hearing my queue word; I was running on stage again and gave what felt like 5 minutes of dancing in front of a packed crowd, outside on a carnival summer night. It was invigorating. The rest of the night I felt like a celebrity as people approached me to ask me if that was real, if I remembered, and most importantly to tell me they had pissed in their pants watching me.

For me it was a temporary feeling of once again accomplishing something. Just listening to people scream and cheer with laughter reenergized me, even if it was out of context of my regular performances. Who cares, I still performed. How I long to have my own show with a crowd like that, then people would be yelling LAZ – LAZ!, instead of R.KELLY - R. KELLY!

Another one for the memories.

Happy 4th of July 05 Twice77

A REAL bummer

HELLO EVERYBODY! Photo by Zee

Well I’m not going to say it’s been awhile because it’s always awhile. I did receive some interesting comments from some blog readers out there. I can’t really verify that it was not a joke but apparently I’m in big hit in a retirement home somewhere in the U.S.A. What else can I say but, the ladies can’t get enough of THIS! I do want to thank everyone who has left comments for me; it’s always nice to know someone is paying attention, even if it’s mildly perverted and sexual.

One of the comments mentioned that they have been following my comedy career. Well it’s hardly a career. All I do is work my butt off and nothing pans out. It’s like I’m stuck in this parallel universe and I can see my goal but can never reach it.

WHAT I’M DOING NOW

At the moment I got cast in a comedic play with a group called Babyhippo productions. They are a family of entertainers who all met up in New York to write and stage a show called “Abnormal Stew”. It’s probably one of the wackiest projects I have ever been involved with. The family of actors are real cool, down to earth people that have a very similar sense of humor as I do. They are very open minded and don’t seem to feel threatened by others opinions and ideas, a very refreshing prospect. The last time I had so much fun was in college where the stakes where similar.

As Yoda might say: “Thinking a lot, I have been.” On the bus to the city the other night, looking out the window I stared at the New York City landscape. The view from the Jersey side is amazing. As the sun’s shadows fell upon the skyscrapers I thought, “I give my life to acting, to comedy, to my career.” Saying that made me feel better as if I really didn’t have a choice, it is my purpose, my destiny. I give it over to the theatre Gods, do what you will with me.

MELLONS OF THOUGHT ARRIVE

Today I don’t feel so nostalgic, I feel trapped as usual. Like a robot I sit here in my office and pick up the same phone to answer and solve the same problems. To be harassed by nasty unappreciated spoiled people who think the world revolves around them. As a result my health is finally catching up with me. I feel weak and sick. I’ve been to the doctors 3 times this month alone. The doctor implored me to cut down on my smoking; he says I’m too young to be having such problems. He asked if I’m under an unduly stress, I simply looked at him and smiled.

My body and soul plead with me to take a leap of faith and follow my dreams, but I thought I already was. I think I’ve been lying to myself about it, hoping I would get lucky and just be discovered on a Sunday night at a comedy club.

I work so hard and still feel like I haven’t achieved anything. My confidence now only exists in performance. My personal life suffers from utter lack of self esteem. I’m ashamed of who I am becoming. Watching a TV commercial the other day I almost wept with sadness, the commercial wasn’t even that good but my emotions are running high. I only look forward to performing to escape this monotony I’m stuck in. If I have nothing to do I sleep for 15 hours at a time.

Most others will confess to the same thing. Most others will say, “Well yea me too, what about me? I had dreams and had to let them go why shouldn’t you” I’ve never been one to listen to people but it’s true what they say. I can’t speak for them; all I can say is that I made all my choices with only once thing in mind, my career. There is nothing else for me. Now you may think, come on there is plenty you can do, don’t be such a wuss. Well I’ve tried to jump into web design with enthusiasm but I’ve realized that the only reason I’m into it at all is for the chance of being able to make more money to continue performing. I’ve noticed that I really do not have a choice and if I don’t do this I will never be me.

NOW - Now

I’m scared and don’t know which way I’m going. I feel like I have a blindfold on and I’m standing on a cliff. I went back and read some of my past entries, seems to be a pattern there. I’m a pessimistic optimist who’s introverted and hides using extroverted tendencies. Figure that one out. I’m vain and selfless all at the same time. Point is I’m stuck in a cycle that is making me increasing hopeless.

So what do I do? Do I quit my job, move back with poor mom and dad who can barely make ends meet and let them drive me crazy? Do I take off to LA by the seat of my pants and leave everyone I love behind for the sake of my own life? That last one has been tempting. Do I stay here, build a life, start a family and then resent them all for not following my own dreams? It wouldn’t matter much; if I stay where I am my health will eventually finish off my fate, how could I start a family then. I’m fading more quickly than before and yet I am am the strongest I have ever been in my art.

I'm scared to leave the people I love, I’m torn between their happiness and mine.

Final Thoughts

To my readers, I apologize if I have brought some of you down, but it’s important that this blog represent every side of my experience so that future hopefuls can educate themselves and perhaps save themselves from the same fate I am suffering. Don’t worry I will get back up again and again until I can no longer stand. I will make a choice soon and I will face my fears. If I don’t, I guess I will die trying.

Take care TwiCe77

Revenge of the Geek

ITS BEEN A WHILE......

So whats up, hows it going, how ya been, hows it hanging???? Me, I've been busy, I'm talkin, not enough time to do anything - which is probably a good definition for busy. Anyway, lots has happened since my last post...........actually not much has happened since my last post.

CAREER STATUS

I am now working alone from the office. The lady I used to work with got a promotion and took off and the company isn't going to bother to hire any one new. Hmmmm. Can you say - Pink Slip. I mean they havent said anything officially yet but I have a feeling they are gonna shut down this entire operation and move to another location. People have been leaving in droves. Everyday I hear of another round of layoffs or just people who have had it. Well I'm still here.

In terms of my acting career, havent done much lately. I do the occasional stand-up show here and there but nothing concreate. So what I decided to do was pull back a little on my strenous comedy career and take a break to learn web design. I mentioned in one of my last posts that I would be going to school for this. Well, Im two classes in and got one more to go. It's a good school and I've learned lots.

SIDE NOTE:I HATE FUCKING IDIOTS WHO CALL ME ASK ME A QUESTION AND THEN HANG UP ON ME CAUSE THEY ARENT SATISFIED< WELL FUCK YOU ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!! (Laz is at work at the moment, please forgive him for the outburst, thank you. )DA ROOF WAS ON FIRE! Anyways, I started this post on April 8th and it is now the 12th.....I'm still working it out ok.

This weekend I did a show at the improv. It was for a cancer benefit. Baltazar from KTU was on hand as our host and the place was pretty packed. At first I didn't think I would be performing, which made me a bit purturbed as I have worked really hard to have some sort of respect as a comedian. Somehow comedian and respect shouldn't be in the same sentence. Alas at the last moment I was thrust on stage. I had a good set, I was a little rushed, but a good set non the less. It was good to see some of my comic friends and shoot the shit.

This film crew from the Roof was also their to interview the comics. Since I was a late addition they were not to cordual when it came to interviewing me. Gave me some cockymani excuse that they didn't have enough time, so I made some time for them ;)

So I'm outside the comedy club and I see the film crew set up for their last shot. My boss, the cancer benefit chairmen guy, some other dude, and the wacky host guy. It was very amusing watching this host be so fakely excited about our little cancer show. He reminded me of one of those 1950's game show hosts but with a degraded vocabulary and worse clothing. So I decide to stroll over and just get in the shot. I wasn't aware I was still smoking a cigerette when the production assistant said, "Umm sir can you put that out this is a cancer benefit." Well who knew! No one told me I couldnt smoke just because Im a sagitarious ;) I put out the cig and just stood their, behind everyone, just stareing into the camera with a really dum look on my face. I dunno what came over me. Perhaps it was the last straw, maybe it was the utter rage boiling inside me from years of career frustration.

When the host finally noticed me with this suttle look of shock on his face as if to say, "Who and where did this guy come from", but - he (someone) FINALLY acknowlegded me. Of course this wasn't enough to sustain my rage. He sticks the microphone in my face and says, "So how did you come to work for this group?" and I says, "Well, they found me in a subway about 5 years ago, I think it was the A...train."

Even though we were outside, after I said that, everyone seemed to be on pause with looks of disbeleif on their faces. Is he joking? Is he crazy? "Who the hell is this guy?

The host for a moment dropped the wacky act and it seemed as though he was stuck in which point I looked into the camera and said, "Visit Justlaz.com!" After my boss tossed me aside for making a cheap plug, I walked away with a feeling of accomplishment. If noone is going to notice me or my talents I shall then make them notice. Yea.....I still have a little of that rage left over. They did cut out my little outburst but I still managed to break into the last shot check it out at:

http://www.justlaz.com/videos.htm

PHASES

I'm growing tired of working for other people. I mean my day job, Im beyond tired and the comedy thing, managers, bookers and agents don't care so why should I. No no, I think now I am going to shift my focus to my own projects. I'm about to embark upon a journey of self expression. This may be my last chance to make a difference and realize my visions.

I've been quite meloncolly lately. In the past few months I've been happier than I've ever been in my life and as misrable as a person can get, all at the same time. I'm sure lots of people feel the same way. Like this blog my mind jumps from suject to suject and will not stay focused. I've had fleeting moments of concentration but I haven't been "In the moment" for quite some time now.

A STORY I've had many stories, sketches, songs and paradies floating in my head lately but without an outlet I'm just not creating anything complete. I have faith though, something in my blood is telling me a story is brewing and when it comes out - boy - oh boy - everyone better just WATCH OUT JACK!

It was nice to shoot some shit with ya's once again, take care and screw yourselves

THE K-9 FILES

SOME HISTORY

I rent a room in a basement of a house in which a family lives. They live upstairs. While I'd rather have a place of my own, the price is right and their is nothing like coming home to a home cooked meal.

Also living in this house is the family dog who goes by the name of "NICEY", I shall not reveal his last name to protect his identity. He is a cross between a Terrier and Shitzou therefore he barks while shitting. The following is an experiment in which I intend to discover the inner most workings as well as unlock the vast mystery involving man's best friend.

K-9 Experiement #1

NAME RECOGNITION

*Jan 09, 2005. 10:05pm

Upon entering the house I observed the subject in his crate either unaware or inadvertent of my presence. This I found odd, in my past experiences most dogs react to visitors by meeting them at the door.

Experiment: After calling his name several times while adding several variables of whistles subject appears to be unresponsive. However the animal did respond after the squeaking of his favorite squeaky toy.

Conclusion: Because of a deep seeded past subject is unmotivated by humans and has tendencies of violence toward squeaky toys.

K-9 Experiment #2

TUG OF WAR

*Jan 12th 6:07pm

I observed subject barking for several hours at a light fixture. This was strange considering the light was off and completely stagnant. After several family members yelled and screamed at subject to no avail I reached for the nearest squeaky toy for a response.

Experiment: A game of Tug of War to study it's effects on subject's reflective and cognitive skills.

Conclusion: Subject is extremely competitive using a series of growls as an intimidation tactic. However lacks the skills to realize his own stature and strength. Upon closer inspection subject bit me.

K-9 Experiment #3

DORMANT SLUMBER

*Jan 16th 2005. 11:54am

I observed subject sprawled out on the couch, belly exposed, with legs open pointed toward the ceiling. He appeared to be in a state of slumber and in REM sleep. I say this because his legs jolted periodically yet his eyes were closed as if he were dreaming of playing Tug of War.

Experiment: To study a sleeping animal's senses to it's outside environment. Upon approaching subject I found it strange that he remained motionless. Calling his name. Motionless. Yelling his name. Motionless. Dangling beef jerky, roast beef, and chicken cordon bleu. Completely MOTIONLESS. After much puzzlement, contemplating whether the beast had met his maker. I decided to investigate further.

Conclusion: Subject suddenly attacked and bit me again.

K-9 Experiment #4

Final Analysis

After many days of observing the behavior and habits of our subject Nicey, I have come to a startling conclusion. Nicey is not so nicey. I have also come to realize that over the course of this week it seems the dog is observing me for his own experiment. I came to this theory after finding a notebook entitled. "HUMANS - Intelligent or Not?" Under his doggy dish.

SKOOL DAY -DREAMS

Change is scary. It's as scary as sitting on your grandpa's lap when he has a hard on. I have decided to attempt a change in my life and go back to school, well, not school school. I'm not going back to college. I mean even though I only have one year left for my B.A. what the hell am I going to do with a degree in theatre. Sure you could argue that my college is 60% females, 2 females 4 every male, but I REALLY need to apply myself and land a better job. Not to say that I'm not happy in this wonderful corporate paradise that I find myself in now (< ----Saracasim) It's time for a change.

This evening I shall embark on an adventure to NYC and visit a career school. Thats what they call it. I want to inquire about taking a program to become a certified WebMaster. Yes, WebMaster. I don't know if I want to do this to have a better career or because being called a WebMaster will make me feel superior to others.

"Hello...I AM THE WEBMASTER....ALL BOW TO ME!!"

I think a little of both.

BLOODY SUNDAY.

I skipped out on my regular stand-up spot at the Laugh Factory this weekend because I wasn't feeling well and I looked even worse. For some strange reason I got a cyst (a huge pimple) right on the earlobe of my right ear. My assistant/roomate/doctor performed a mid-afternoon operation and sliced the intruder down the middle. No puss at all, just blood....lots and lots of blood. It wouldn't stop bleeding, even when he applied painful pressure on the wound. After about 10 minutes of bleeding I started to think that I may die. I can see the headlines now,

"Man bleeds to death from earlobe."

Eventually the flow of blood subsided and the pimple now had a healthy black color to it.

This weather just makes my skin crazy. Mother Nature has been indecisive. It's like 78 below zero in the morning and 60 degrees by afternoon. I read an article about some bears who have actually come out of hibernation thinking it was spring. Right now their is a bear out their somewhere going, "Fucking Alarm Clock!"

Laterzzzzz

Jumping out of my skin

I'm Late for Work Again For the past 5.5 out of 6 years of working, I have been late everyday. I'm a puctual person when it comes to things I care about and my job isn't one of them. Yesterday afternoon just as I'm about to go home at quiting time my boss decides to come to my desk.

Boss: "Help me stuff these envelopes."

Me: "Umm, I can't I'm going home now."

Boss: "No your not, your going to help me do this."

Me: "Sorry but I have an appointment I have to make and can't be late."

Boss: "FINE FINE, Do what you want, go ahead, Thanks for nothing!"

Me: "Have a nice night."

Now I don't appreciate being talked to like a child by my employer nor do I think I should be reprimanded for leaving at the time I am desnignated to leave. On top of which for a reason to do work that is not in my job description. The sad thing is that I have to swallow the shit, their is nothing I can do. Should I complain, to who? Human Resources is as corrupt as the White House. Should I quit? I can't, need money to live. Should I call the Labor Union? Who has the patience or resources to go thru with it. They have a team of lawyers, I have 1-800-lawers.

So what do you do when you feel like your whole world is slowly sinking around you? How much longer can I hold out before I have a breakthrough in my career IF such a thing happens. Am I kidding myself with this whole acting thing?

My mood has gone from angry to frustrated to becoming misrable and eating many many cheetos. I feel - completely devoid and numb of all emotion.

VOICE OVER AUDITION The reason I was adament about leaving is I wanted to make this audition that was really near to my house. It was for a cartoon series in the works called, "BALLS" about this guy who has talking eyeballs and a brain that thinks he knows it all.

I figured, its super cold, the audtion is in NJ, and no NY actor is going to be able to find this address. I walk into a PACKED room of people. Young, old, fat, skinny, quiet, and loud. I sat there thinking to myself as they recited famous TV and movie lines to eachother:

Me: I wonder how many people in here REALLY are actors who bust their ass. Do any of these people have jobs? How can their be this many damn actors!

I apologize to my fellow thespians for the above but being that I am desperate to survive it's just really frustrating to think their are all these people who aren't trained and are simply here to clog up the system, effectivly degrading any chances of getting a gig. I guess these people are just as unhappy as I am and like me, are reaching for something better.

I'm so mad I can't be mad anymore. Past the point of depression I can no longer cry. Knocked down so much I don't feel the pain. So tired I can't sleep. So dormant while I'm awake. My dreams forever illusive. My goals always unreachable.

I ask myself everyday, "How much longer can I keep this up?" For everyday I keep going I lose a little more of me, my soul gets washed away with injustice and my consious weakens under the pressure. I'm sure many performers go through something like this, what I don't know is how many of those dreams have been lost. You always hear about success stories, what about failure stories, Im sure their are many more of those.

Boy am I a bummer huh!

P.S. I'm not even going to bother to spell check this blog anymore, fuck it.

Laugh Factory Live

Much to be said for these past couple weeks.

ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHER

I've been attempting to relax since the wrap of the T.V. show but alas it was a short lived break. The producers called me to say that we had secured a gig at the brand new Laugh Factory Comedy Club right in Time Sqaure. We are to perform a live version of our T.V. show using our best sketches. We even hired a director for this endeavor which I was most excited about. Finally we were going to really rehearse these skits and perfect the moments within them.

Upon meeting the director I was impressed with the way he entered the room and by the way he bluntly spoke. A familiar feeling came over me and I was reminded of my days in college, studying theatre. The discipline, the technique, the feeling of accomplishment after putting in hours upon hours of rehearsal. Finally we were going to experience that and that is exactly what we needed.

As the rehearsal wore on, my feeling changed to that of uncertainty. Sure this director seemed to know what he was doing, sure he had some good ideas, but I didn't feel that he was going to connect with this group. This crew composed of New York City Comics who are used to being comedians and adhere by that art form. There is a big difference between actors and comics, the actor works with other actors while the comic works alone. So what we needed to do is learn how to work with each other while maintaining a consistency of performance.

I have worked with many directors, some amazing, some not so amazing, and some downright awful. However I could not nor still can not arrive at a definite opinion as to whether this director is working for us. One thing that really bothered me was the fact that he decided not to read the scripts. I have never encountered that before, to quote him; "I don't read comedy, I see it". What I don't understand is without reading the script how is a director supposed to know what moments are lacking. A script is your map and to me thats like an actor saying, I don't read the script I act it. On the other hand I have picked up a lot of good notes from him and he does seem to care about our vision. His job is made harder due to the fact that the executive producer is also an actor in the show, not to mention the fact that we are all loud ass Latinos and he is nice Jewish white guy. Although I saw this as an advantage because we want to reach the masses not just the minorities, also I somehow feel safer when it comes to business, hey call it stereotyping but Jews are excellent business people...

SIDE NOTE:

I don't see race becasue I am color blind

CONTINUED...

Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that he has a tendency to flirt with the two girls of our troupe. Granted they are very lovely and attractive, hard for any man to ignore, however as a director I don't think flirting is appropriate, it singles out the actress in a room full of men and makes her uncomfortable. I try my best to treat them with equal respect with all the testosterone in the room. Lastly I must say I have learned alot from this director even though I'm still 50/50 whether he is a good match for our troupe. Well with the show opening Sunday, we'll soon find out won't we.

CRISIS WRAPPED IN PARADOX

I'm sure most performers will agree that it's a very hard life with many sacrifices but sometimes you wonder if your not giving up to much of your life. My job for example, I hate it here. For six years I have endured and suffered sitting in one place, burning my corneas from stareing into a computer screen all day. I do it for my career. If I cannot support myself as an actor so I must support myself to become one. Now my company has been sold and who knows if I'll have a job next month. At least their is no arguement about job security, nowadays you can study for years and still lose your job to India. You can't outsource entertainment.

My family and friends have been sacrificed. Holidays are usually the busiest time for a performer because everyone else is on vacation and people go out to be entertained therefore I have missed many a family gathering. Friends don't seem to understand all that well that I am perpetually busy and after a time we start to lose contact. I am used to goodbyes and am not sentimental about it I just wish you could have all your friends around you forever. Ok I'm sentimental. I am glad to have a select few who do understand and support me which will make it easy for me to decide who comes to the mansion when I get one of course.

SICKNESS INSIDE

My dad has been sick for some time now and I'm really worried. This man has been there for me through think and thin even though he was a weekend dad. He never failed to help me even if he was sometimes a little tough about it. When I was a kid I remember how he was. A charming introverted person with a good head on his shoulders. A hard worker, a man of morals and values who never had any vices. So now he is sick, a mental and emotional reck. My Father that I highly respected who never talked about his feeling is suddenly pouring his heart out to me. In these past few months on the few occasions that I have encounted him, it seems like he is expressing all the feelings he forgot to express through out his entire life. So I sit and listen. Listen as best as I can with a sad relief. I'm wondering what to say or not say. Scared of this new person who seems so unstable and yet grateful for seeing his emotions finally revealed.

Not much more I can say...

Don't Change that Channel!

TodaY's DaY: Today I decided to come back on and update this blog. I admit I have been lazy but with good reason. I'm on vacation. Granted I'm at my day job right now, suffering like a slave at the hands of the yuppies but since I finished the first season of LLEGAMOS, I no longer have to stay up half the night writing. So just working during the day is a vacation.

Also lots of exciting, semi-exciting, and utterly mundane things have happened in the past month that I felt best be described in a summarized fashion instead of giving you every last detail of my existence leaving nothing to the imagination.

I came on and noticed 38 hits on this blog. Subtract myself and I got 28 hits on this blog, 20 of which is probably my girlfriend, HI BABY! That leaves 8 people or 1 person who looked 8 times. In any case I find the prospect of strange human beings from far away lands enjoying my writing to be orgasmic.

LLEGAMOS - Episode Wrap After 12 weeks of craziness I can't believe it's over, its finally over. I loved working on the show but damn did I need a break. The last show called for 3 new skits, 1 filmed and 2 live. Well it seems that my colleagues have enjoyed my work and so I was commissioned to write all 3. This being the last show I felt some pressure, giving them something that would top every other sketch of the season and take us out with a big bang was quite a challenge. Thank goodness I wrote a sketch weeks ago on a whim while watching TV. I was inspired by a show called, "Pimp my Ride", on TLC or Discovery or one of those educational/reality networks. So I wrote a sketch called, "Pimpea Mi Coche". A more hoodlum point of view as to how they would hook up a stolen car.

Pimpin Through the Nite This shoot called for us to rent out a car garage in the Bronx which was very appropriate. We all got a jumpsuit with our respective character names on them and immediately I felt the atmosphere of the sketch come alive. It was a night shoot so we began in the early evening with our producer warning us that we refrain from dilly-dallying or we would be stuck filming all night. "I don't want to be here till 3am, you all got that!", he demanded with all of us agreeing.

2:45am rolls around and we only have one shot left. Unfortunately they saved the hardest for last. Not a moment to soon either because one by one our lights began to pop and die. The garage was already freezing from lack of a heater but this last shot had to be done outside. The script called for the two main hoodlums to walk down the block while introducing the show. We stood outside shivering while production readied it's equipment. The two of us, wearing only these light jumpsuits would uncontrollably shiver until action was called, then we would walk and talk as naturally as we possibly could. The director would yell "CUT!", and again the shivering would return as if some magic spell came over us. We finished at 3:15am.

MY LAST LEG Tuesday night of the 16th of November 2004 was the season finale of LLEGAMOS. I was excited, anxious, and nervous all at the same time. Standing there, looking at the crew setting up I was trying to reassure myself of the skit I had envisioned on the stage. Was it really a good idea or was this last idea fueled by a desperate and sleep deprived mind? It was a simple pantomime, a day dream I had.

The sketch told the story of a wondering bum arriving at a bench in which he transforms into his sleeping quarters for the night. As he collects his blankets or news papers a young couple strolls lovingly into the scene. They seem to have a special bond with the old bench and decide to sit and reminisce. The rest of the piece consists of the battle that ensues between the couple and the bum over the bench, a fight, a wedding proposal, and an embarrassing conclusion all tied to a heartfelt song. The themes I tried to hit are love and social satire. That no matter where you are on the social ladder we are all still equally human beings. All the bum wants to do is go to sleep which ironically paralleled my own wishes. Art imitating life.

Back in the dimly lit comedy club, I still stood day dreaming of the outcomes of failure. I had little confidence because we had barely rehearsed a sketch that required timing movements to music in order to finish in synch with the song.

Time seemed to melt away and show time was approaching. Sitting in the make-up chair the artist working on me commented, "You are looking paler than usual, we are going to have to cover up those black circles under your eyes." After he caked a bunch of make-up on me I looked in the mirror and stared at person I have never seen before. The make-up just made me look dead. I was supposed to be a news anchor.....oh well I guess that makes sense.

As the audience was ushered in I paced back and forth vigorously going over my script. For the life of me I could not remember my character's name, you would think the fact that I penned it myself would help but it was as if someone else wrote it and with ill intent toward me. I was past the point of delirium and didn't know how much longer I could keep it together before I tore off all my clothes and began making animal mating calls. "This is the last show, one more and it's over", I kept telling myself. Nervous as I was I didn't notice that the room had filled to audience capacity and their was standing room only.

THE HOUR OF PERFORMANCE Some how, some way I ended up placed on stage sitting at a desk with my back to the audience. I was waiting for my cue. I started to sweat and wanted to cough. "Just anxiety." I thought, and at this point I conjured every last ounce of energy I had left in my body and turned the comedy switch to ON. There is my cue.

That was the last thing I remember, I let my mouth do all the work while my mind was lost. I remember laughter, loud laughter and then it was over. I had gotten through it without a hitch and had no clue how.

I went upstairs to smoke a quick cigarette before going back to wardrobe to change out of a nice suit into a worn out bum get up. I thought for a brief moment that this may be a metaphor for how I may end up in my career. Leave it to me to think in such extremes. Everything and everyone was in place, the lights were dark and the music began. Oh this sweet- sweet music threw me into a dream, the dream. My energy and nerves were irrelevant now. All I could think of was nothing. I was blank. I was the song. The lights came up and I was pulled by some invisible force through the sketch. The notes of the music carried me as the melody called to me. Again I remember the laughter and I also recall what seemed like every member of the audience breathe in deeply in reaction to the story. They were taken, the music was affecting and filling up the entire room with the telling of the story. It was working. The last most important moment was met with perfect timing and the people got it. The lights dimmed down to applauds.

A big whiff of relief circulated throughout my being and I realized I had just crossed a personal cross roads. My little day dream had translated into the real world and briefly it had lived on it's own. I thanked the theatre Gods and was reminded of a personal quote that keeps me strong, "As long as I have my dreams, I shall never fall asleep"......Then I collapsed.

QUICK SUM Oh yea, ThanksGiving dinner was great, I saw my lil brother, and I got into a big fight with my girlfriend because I have personal relationship issues stemming from a turbulent past.

Until the next moment.......Stay awake!

Where am I?

It seems an eternity has passed me by since my last post. This weekend I finally got some time off for myself and so my body decided it would be a most opportune time to get sick. I came home from work and crashed fully clothed on my bed at 6pm. I didn't regain consciousness until Saturday at 12 noon. At least I got a lot done in my dream world. It took me at least 3 hours to snap out of my post-slumber zombie state.

As sick as I was I still wanted to hang out with the girlfriend. She came over that afternoon and we spend the rest of the night listening to music over some conversation. The comedy life doesn't allow much time for relationships, even so I think it is of up most importance to try to maintain a fully balanced life, no matter how unstable it may become. I mean if you don't at least try to have a life outside of comedy then how can a comic share any other experiences beside hanging out at comedy clubs. Anyway, she bought me a new chair, a director's chair with my nickname on the back. It's very nice, now if I can only score a gig as a director. I also feel a little guilty about taking gifts out of gift season. Is she trying to buy some snuggle time? hmmm.

Relationships in general are hard enough. I seem incapable of truly loving someone. I guess their are still a lot of internal issues I need to work on before I can fully trust someone else. Perhaps that is why I seek out attention. My entire life has been a game of adaptation beginning with being a total outcast and getting rughed up over it. To avoid being the center of a gang's attention, I join them instead. If ya can't beat them, observe, adapt, and take the whole thing over I always say. I constantly floated from one group to the next, hoping to fit in and making it such a personal mission that I forgot who I was. Ever feel alone surrounded by people?

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY

After spending so much time in bed I was kinda, and I stress KINDA, happy to go to the writers meeting. I put my foot down and announced that since I was in poor health I would take my leave at the end of our meeting and not perform in the night's show.

8pm rolls around and I'm standing outside sniffling while I waited for the show to start. I was to go up 2nd. The audience was small, didn't bother me. The first row was full, of a group of tourists from East Asia who spoke little to no English. All together in one group of friends. They were the most reserved, timid, non emotional audience members. Comic after comic went up to silence. A few giggles here and their but silence for the most part. I'm pretty sure they didn't understood English by the lack of reaction. I seem to have a love-hate relationship with audiences. Either they love me or I hate them. Problem is when I get pissed off at the audience, I tend to.. umm....how can I put this gently....I tend to berate, bash, and generally insult them. A slight kink I must fix. I remember the last time I got heckled by a drunk girl in which my response was, "What's wrong with you, your pretty, I'd fuck you".

Well by the middle of the set some of my comic buddies where laughing at the sight of me desperately searching for the red light to come on. I compared making love to preparing pork fried rice and attempted Chinese sign language. Not a very smart route to go on my part. Honestly though, I don't see race, I just see whats funny. I'm totally oblivious to the fact that anyone is black or white, in fact I'm color blind. I was just looking, reaching for some common denominator that could bring us together to laugh, but they held strong and nothing! I had a theory that they may have gotten together before the show and all agreed that it would be funny to go to a comedy club and not laugh.

Now as coughed out a lung I had to stay for the 2nd show to redeem myself. It was nearly a sold out house. Literally the scene changed from ying to yang. In my experience the bigger the crowd the easier the laughs after all laughter is contagious as so was I. Cough. I was slated for the 2nd spot then 3rd now I was pushed back to 5th. That's ok, the crowd will be that much more intoxicated. My boss walked in and decided he would take a turn at the mic. He is great but also very very insane in the head. He made them laugh and cringe with his brutal unadulterated vulgarity. He spoke of eating pussy, blowjobs, and salad tossings. How in God's name am I going to follow that act I thought. That's like trying to watch Sesame Street after Debbie Does Dallas. My good friend and mentor saw that I was visibly nervous and gave me a little pep talk. I went up their and as he said, "Ride the wave", I caught a good wave to start and it pretty much carried me all the way to shore, almost. I should have ended with my testicle joke, instead I ended on a weaker joke. No matter it was a solid set and I felt good about it. Now I know for the next time, when it doubt, end with a ball joke.

I didn't get home until 1:21am last night, another crazy adventure in the city ended and I was off to meet Mr. Sandman.

Until next time - Cough...zzzzz...zzz.zzzzz

Somewhere in T.V. Land

It has been 2 days since my last post. It seems that in order for me to reach a computer to post this blog I must first face harrowing obstacles and battle unpredictable circumstances, exiting unscathed.

*Metal in My Rubber

Monday night I went out on a munchy run and on the way back heard a thumping as if I had a flat tire. Upon further investigation I discovered a peice of metal lodged smack in the middle of my back tire. Being that their was a potential for catastrophe, I completely ignored the problem but used it as a great excuse not to go into work the next morning. Instead of using that time to fix the tire I caught up on some sleep probably risking life and limb for the ride to work the next morning. I did make it to work and dropped off the car at a Sears Auto Center near by. I bring in the car for a simple tire fix and recieve a call from them asking for $200 to fix a legion of other problems.

-My brakes are failing - Big deal.

-My exhausts is falling off - Who cares.

-The car may explode - Tell me something new.

Anyway, I told them to fix the tire.

*LLEGAMOS T.V. Taping

Despite the rain, or should I say typhoon, we had a great show. As you know it is taped live at the improv comedy club every tuesday night. This week we had an author and finalist in this years Sundance Film Festival - Sofia Quintero. Also musical guest Q-Unique and the very funny comedian D.C. Benny of Last Comic Standing and a Comedy Central half hour special. This week I played a character named, "Eleganzia" (Elegance). I recieved the script a few hours before the show and quickly decided on a costume. I wore an open collared shirt with a thin black mustache and sunglases. He was to enter and explain to our host what he must do to be a proper star. Although it was a very short cameo appearence it is important to have a well rounded character to acheive comedic affect. If I don't beleive me or care about this persona, neither will any audience. The skit went over very well with our audience. In fact all the comedy bits went over very well, the entire show is entertaining from start to finish.

It's easy when you have the opportunity to work with such a fantastic cast and crew. I'm not the type to blow smoke up butts but I have to say this particular group of people are a pleasure to work with. They are professional, dedicated, and talented. From the actors to the camera men to the directors, they all do a phenomenal job of making this show fly. For the first time in a long time I don't feel stressed and I actually enjoy the work. They allow us creative freedom and a chance to explore comedic possiblity. These people have become my friends as well as business associates and with the integrity of their work their is no limit to what we can acheive. With each show their is more improvment and I can honestly say that this show has class and quailty. It demonstrates our strenths as latinos and proves that our culture isn't to much different from everyone elses. We are all human after all.

Until next time my fellow humans - Farewell.

Links:

http://www.dcbenny.com

http://www.speakersandartists.org/People/SofoaQuintero.html

http://hiphop.discogs.com/artist/Q-Unique

I'm Alive!

Well folks the results from my check-up are in, with the exception of my high Cholesterol, blood circulation and heart murmur I'm in tip top shape!

I'm just glad it Friday, I'm burnt out from the week and need a little R&R. The New York Comedy Club called to book me for spots this weekend, but with my schedule lately and all the work I have on the T.V. show, one must know when to take time for oneself.

So I get a call yesterday from a comic friend of mine that is closely attached to a certain theatre group in NYC that I used to work for. Out of professional courtesy I shall not mention said theatre group here even though they aren't very professional. So for all intensive purposes I shall refer to them as, "The Assholes". Anyway this particular person I happen to respect, it's the rest of them I don't care for. He asked me why I haven't called or shown my face in a month. I wanted to say, "Because after working for "The Assholes", for so many years being treated like an outcast, having lies spread about me, not be appreciated, respected, or payed I decided to take my business elsewhere. I did not say the above, again out of respect for my friend who often was put in the middle.

Why am I posting this? Becasue I want to let all those beginning Actors, Comedians, Singers, and general Entertainers know that even if you don't posses the experience that does not mean you should be treated like dirt. I poured blood sweat and tears into that group and while I gained much as an artist it was without their help. This business is full of people that talk the talk but don't walk the walk. Directors that cherish their powers more than they love the craft. Producers who make you believe they are working for your best interests when really your working for theirs. Be realistic when going to auditions and don't be taken by the, "Your going to be a star", mentality. Its just a business based on making money and you are the product. Honestly look at where you are in your career and take the projects for what they are, a credit, a learning experience, a stepping stone toward a better gig. Many of you already know these facts but it's always good to reiterate. These people have no control over your career - only you do.

So NOW after trashing me for no reason what so ever besides extreme jealousy, they want me for a future show. THEY CAN KISS MY BROWN ASS!!! Hows that for control.

On that note - HAPPY FRIDAY!

Until we meet again.

Weekends a Busy

This blog is really for my future self to read, I hardly think anyone cares to read this blog out of the millions of them out there. Anyhoot, in case I reach one soul.

This weekend was pretty standard. I was slated to shoot a few skits at the Bronx Zoo but hence the producers cancelled due to what they called, "A complication with the zoo". I wasn't too disappointed since it was raining cats and dogs or should I said Lions and Bears.

Every Sunday is the comedy show at the Boston Comedy Club in the Villiage. I love the Villiage people. It's one of the few bohemian places left in the city. I consider myself to be a conservative hippy and enjoy their company.

The show started at 9:45pm - kinda late. I went up first, after the host of course, and while the audience seemed a bit subdued by the end of my set I felt I had bought their energy up at least a notch or two. It was a smaller crowd, about 25 people. I find you can work the crowd more and my material less with a crowd like that, you have to get more personal in order to win them over.

Jim Norton of Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn fame stopped by and did a set. I think its interesting that once your on T.V. you can come in and pretty much crash any room you want. While I understand the need for semi-celebs to give the room credibility I can not understand bumping another comedian simply on the fact that he isn't on T.V. In any case, as he was leaving, I shook his hand in recognition as I do all of the other comics and off he went back to T.V. land.

Today, Monday, I'm beyond tired but I have to pay the bills so here I am at my day job. Ahh Corporate America, surrounded by yuppies. At least I killed some time writing this blog on company time ;) Until next time - I bid you Adue.

9/16/04 Hello Myself

This is my first blog. I decided to document my experiences with the world, or the 3 folks that may read this because like everyone else, it is my unique perspective. I am a Comedian in New York City. That's basically the extent to my uniqueness.