Talk Amongst Yourselves

While I try to Figure it out. I’ve always had this urge to hop in my car and just drive and drive until I don’t know where I am. To be a new stranger while I visit even stranger places. I think you adapt to your environment and eventually become what’s around you. Sometimes, though, you lose yourself. This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing.

I recently was thrust in quite an adventure. A friend of mine told me about this comedy festival about to take place in Los Angeles. It’s called the Si TV Latino Laugh Festival, and so, being Latino myself I submitted for it.

Two days later I get a call from one of the producers of the show, telling me they are interested in me. Although interested, I had to show a little more leg and audition for the head of the festival in New York. The audition took place at Stand-Up New York, a good sized comedy club in the heart of Manhattan. I wasn’t nervous (yes I was) after all, they are already “interested”. If this were a date; all I would have to do now is play it cool, not say the wrong thing, and keep buying drinks. I went on stage and did my set. It was clean, it was solid, and it was funny. I was confident they would call me straight way……but they didn’t. After spending two weeks waiting for a phone call while throwing an inner tantrum, realizing all hope is dead, and staying up till 4am watching reruns of the Jefferson’s, they called. I was on my way to sunny L.A.!

Lazzywood

Hollywood Land I arrived in L.A. on a Friday morning. They actually had a car waiting. Wow. A car, an actual car, it was way better than the one I have at home. One of the comics I was traveling with wanted to stop and get Popeye’s chicken, which is fine, but at 10:30 in the morning? How could you eat that greasy ass, heart attack, beat up chicken that early in the morning?! It was pretty good though.

We get to the Renaissance Hotel. A real swinging place, right on Hollywood Blvd. Hotels excite me, they make me feel… clean. With no time to waste, I immediately went to my room and inspected the bounciness of my bed. It had an 8 out of 10 bounce factor. I mean it was fancy; they had an iron in the room and everything! I was lucky because from my hotel window; if you turned your head all the way to the left, and squished your face up against the glass, you could see the all magical “Hollywood” sign in the distance…on a clear day of course. Can someone tell me why their is a huge cross perched on a hill below the sign? That evening we were picked up and taken to the opening party at Cinespace, a swanky bar a few miles away. After a few glasses of wine I was taken to the Improv Olympic West in Hollywood. Stepping into the green room I realized that a lot of these clubs and theatres hold a lot of the same energy as all the others. A sort of runaway tension wrapped in illuminated possibilities. Figure that one out.

Just after performing and just as quickly I would move on to the next show, spending the night observing interesting characters and seeking new opportunity. Meeting and greeting and exchanging information. Standing in a place I’ve never seen before and sharing my opinions on and off the stage. It felt great to explore and take in the atmosphere. The nights are beautiful in LA, the parking sucks but the night’s are beautiful.

Laugh Fest Crew

Kodak Theatre Gala

The last night of the festival was the most memorable. We were invited to the closing night gala at the famous Kodak Theatre. I walked into the event and saw a big red carpet with lots of photographers taking pictures of the people walking by. I didn’t think I was supposed to walk the carpet until a P.A. suddenly grabbed me and pushed me onto it. I imagine the first few photographs they took of me were surprised and confused but I soon adapted and began to strike some posses. I liked it, made me feel….wanted.

A few minutes before show time I’m standing around in the lobby, just hanging out when I look up and see a bunch of people on the balcony, looking down at me. Who the hell are those people? Someone explains to me they are just random people who wanted to see what’s going on, fans if you wish. Sort of like armature paparazzi. So I waved to them, of course they didn’t wave back. I even thought I heard one of them whisper, “Who the hell is that?” Carlos Mencia hosted the show and I have to say he did an awesome job. Even though their are plenty of rumors floating about of his joke stealing habits, I can’t knock the guy if I don’t know what he does first hand. All I know is that he was charismatic and impressed me with his performance that night. We were treated to a host of celebrity appearances and special guests. It was a great feeling to be in a room full of successful Latino talent. All working and doing it. It suddenly became real to me and gave me a new found motivation to do it for myself.

The show ended into an after party where I got to mingle. I took some pictures but then felt “Touristy” and “Un-Celebrity-Like”, so I put the camera away and just had a good time. I met many extra ordinary people and tasted a little bit of the good life.

Film Festival Mania! The independent film I'm in called "REWIND" got picked up at three different film festivals including the HBO Latino Film Festival. Check out www.JustLaz.com for a film screening schedule.

I’m 1000 different people...

I KAN'T CHANGE It’s been months upon months since I’ve updated this blog. One of the reasons for this is because I’ve been writing a feature length movie, so I’ve done all the writing I can take for the moment. My script is now finished and registered with the Writer’s Guild of America. Which makes sense since America is the country I wrote it in. More details about the script to come soon.

Lots and lots has happened since I last wrote.  I re-joined modern society and got a job. I gave into the perils of commitment and moved in with my lady. Lastly, I have succumbed to the man and started paying for cable TV.

I’ve kept real busy. Been performing in comedy clubs, bars, restaurants, and lounges around New York & New Jersey. In May I have a gig at Fort Hamilton Army Base in Brooklyn.

So about my job. It’s great, much better than working for the yuppies. Damn those yuppies. Anyway, I got hired as a writer/web designer/producer at a very hip company in the heart of Manhattan. I work all the time. In fact the only time I’m not working is when I’m eating or sleeping but I love the work. I get to meet interesting people and not be confined to a small cubicle all day. Damn those yuppies!

ON THE SET OF REWIND I just wrapped up a short film called “Rewind”. I played a thug named Pako who robs people around his neighborhood, nice right. Anyway the main character has the power to REWIND time, but only for a minute or two. Hopefully it will get into some film festivals and win some awards, I think it’s worthy of some. If I had the power to rewind time I’d mostly use it in the morning, to sleep in.

I’m also still shooting the independent feature film, “Playing Doctor”. It’s been a lot of over night shoots with trail mix and coffee but all the hard work will be worth it in the end. I’ve also made some really good friends in the process.

On Tuesday night I was invited to do a set at the Laugh Factory in Times Square. It was a LLEGAMOS show, the crew I used to role with. This was the first time I wasn’t in the show as a regular cast member, just a comedian and it felt strange. I got to see all of my good comic friends and they all asked me why I left the show. I said, “Nothing personal I just have too many irons in the fire right now”. Which is the truth. A comedian’s dream is to be able to just do comedy full time, a goal I’m working on. Anyway, I was up first and the crowd was amazing. They listened, they laughed, and they guffawed. I had a great set and the energy flowed like fine wine…from the old country. I hope to get in front of a big crowd like that more often.

EPILOGUE of THOUGHTS What can I say? I feel like a different person every day. I think I have the Dr Jekeyl/Mr Rodriguez Syndrome. With an endless stream of lack of patience I look for peace. I need an I-Pod so that I won’t be alone with my thoughts for too long. This sounds depressing but I’m totally content, well at least partially. I can’t change who am I, no matter how hard I try. There are tons of things I want to type that are much more interesting than this.

BLOGenetics

Musica Musica I just finished up another run of LLEGAMOS at the Laugh Factory to much success. I had the pleasure of meeting many musicals stars such as Frankie Negron and P-Star to name a few. P-Star is an 11 year old rapper who really has the skills of a professional. She rocked the audience with her charm & original music. Check her out on MTV: http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1531954 Singer, songwriter Frankie Negron was a pleasure to work with. He’s really down to earth guy and has a great sense of humor. He joined the LLEGAMOS cast in a few sketches that left the audience in tears and then serenaded the crowd with a tune from his new album “Mejor Que Nunca”. Check him out at: http://www.frankienegrononline.com/ New York Paranoia During this run I wrote a sketch called, “The Underground”, based upon the experiences of riders on the New York City subway. The sketch is in three parts, the third part being about a Muslim looking man entering into the subway with a suspicious package. The entire sequence was wordless and played upon the audience assumption that all Muslims are terrorists. Which or course is not true but I find people’s paranoia humorous and apparently so do they.

Playing Doctor ~ Behind the Scenes

I’ve been filming a movie called “Playing Doctor”, for about 2 months now. I play the part of Fred, a conniving, sneaky, larger than life, pothead, antagonistic charlatan of a person. The shoots usually take anywhere between 10-14 hours, so it’s a lot of work but very good work. I really understand the director’s vision and have had so much fun doing it. Everyone is so professional and cordial to each other. Accept for one particular actor (theirs always one) which shall remain nameless. This person is just the opposite of everyone else and has thrown a few monkey wrenches into the production. Perhaps it was just too big an undertaking but never the less we are moving forward and the film looks like it’s going to turn out really great.

Stand-Up or Sit Down Sometimes as an actor or stand-up comedian you come across certain situations that test your patience, integrity, and morals. I think it’s important that I share these situations on this blog, after all what the hell is this thing for anyway. However I also feel you should never bad mouth anyone because it’s a small business. With that said the following is a true story but the names, dates, and locations have been changed to protect my ass from getting shot.

Once upon a time I had a big show at a major club. It was a packed crowd with many of my own people in the audience. Ten minutes before show time the producer half heatedly announces that he will not use me as a stand-up comic in the show. He gave me no rhyme or reason, actually flexing his position as if he were showing off his muscles. I in turn immediately protested and spoke up. After much quibbling I was told in a very harsh manner that I was to be used as he saw fit and even though I was not getting compensated for all my hard work I had to still swallow this very bitter pill and not receive the stage time I was promised. So, I made a choice. The great thing about choices is that you can make them and no one can stop you. I made the choice to quit right then and their. I shall not be shaken or stirred. I shall not lend my skills as a writer and then lay down and be walked over. I am a Stand-Up Comedian, an angry, uncaged, unapologetic animal of humor put here by the theatre gods to infuse comedy chaos about the earth. Don’t tell me I can not!

Ten minutes after I left I got a phone call to please return and by golly I got my stage time. Not only did I get my time but I rocked the house harder than I ever had. So to any fellow up and coming comics out there I give you this advice. Never Surrender!

A Video Blog from the Future!

One Night In New York City

Center of the World I’ve been going out a lot lately. Last week I was invited to a party for the HBO Latino Film Festival. It was held at a trendy club in the city called Crobar. I arrived around 10:30pm and their is a line as far as the eye could see. I called El Gordo, one of my associates and I find him standing in front of the place. I felt like I was an in episode of Sex in the City, not that I watch Sex in the City, but I was tricked into watching an episode for the simple reason that Sex is in the title. Anyway, there was a press pit in the main lobby. A press pit is a group of photographers huddled together like a roman orgy, fighting each other to snap their pictures of the important. These important people would stand in front of a wall with logos on it. The photographers would snap away as these nicely dressed people glided passed. I recognized a few faces but for the most part I have no names for you. I didn’t have to stand on line because our publicist gave us these pink bracelets that allowed us to immediately enter. I saw some other people with green bracelets on and wondered what that meant. I suddenly envisioned my self being forced onto a train that was headed for a concentration camp. I actually ran into a friend of a friend from L.A. and I got to meet a lot of cool filmmakers. The pink bracelet actually meant I could go into the V.I.P. section. I suddenly felt important and made my way up the V.I.P. stairs, ate some V.I.P. shrimp, and stood around trying to look like a V.I.P.

By 2am the place was packed. The music seemed to be getting louder and they pumped smoke onto the dance floor. Now I can’t hear or see, I can barely move and I want out! Standing outside in the middle of the night, in the middle of the city, suddenly wearing a pink bracelet wasn’t so hot anymore. I had a good time though, I felt…..important.

The China Club….not in China A few nights later I was invited to a friends birthday bash at the China Club in midtown. He said if I arrive before 11pm I could get in for free so I arrived at 10:58pm. Again the line was so long my eyes couldn’t reach the end of it. I saw my friend standing outside and he was able to get me off the line and into the club straight away. I was led up a flight of stairs where large black men waited to search every patron for weapons and paraphernalia. It’s nerve racking just to go out dancing.

As the night progressed more and more people began to fill the dance club. It seems to me that the later it gets the weirder people become. I wasn’t drinking much because the drinks are just astronomical in price. A bottle of water cost five bucks, not even a big bottle. On my way out of the club I ran into a friend of mine and was dragged right back in. I didn’t go home until the sun came up.

Face the Music I saw an ad for an audition in which they needed extras for some comedy pilot called "Face The Music". I can’t really put extra work on my resume but I figure since I’m free that day anyway, what the hell. The director calls me up and we have the following conversation:

Director: Yes, would you happen to be Latino by any chance? Laz: As a matter of fact, I am. Director: I need an actor to play….well do you happen to own a bandanna? Laz: You mean like a gang member? Director: I didn’t want to say that. Laz: Yea, as a matter of fact, I do. Director: Also, can you possibly grow out a go-t for the shoot? Laz: You mean to look more like a thug? Director: I didn’t want to say that.

So I got the job. At least I’m not an extra anymore.

I Remember when I lost my Mind

Does that make me Crazy? As I write to you now, the sounds of fire works are exploding outside my window. I feel like I’m in the middle of Bagdad. One fire cracker exploded so close I ducked and yelled to “watch out for Charlie”. It’s a tradition in my town for everyone to run around exploding dangerous flammable mini-bombs on every corner. Not just on July 4th but the weeks building up to the holiday. Some nights I would have dreams people were shooting at me for no apparent reason. These Nutz!

I’ve been keeping myself semi-busy lately. I wrote and directed a show which is currently playing at the Laugh Factory in NYC. We do a lot of stand-up which is our strong point and we added some new sketches which compliment the show nicely. It’s sponsored by Coors Light and we’ve had a steady audience. In between that I’ve been working at the Joe Franklin Comedy Club on and off, the New York Comedy Club, and a few other events here and there. In particular was a Cancer Benefit Show that I did at a club in Brooklyn called TJ Bentleys. I always forget that Brooklyn can have nice places. For some reason I always picture it to be a place of poverty and ruins.

Talk about procrastination, it is now July 19th and I’m continuing to write this blog. Anyway, I went to the Dentist today. What a painful experience that was. First of all, the dentist’s assistant is hot which makes it that much worse when blood squirts from your mouth as she pokes you with the suction. Secondly, they stick you with what looks like a needle for a dinosaur and then say things like, “Are we all nice and numb?” Thirdly, I have no thirdly because the painkillers haven’t worn off yet.

Chacho...How Time Flies!

It is now July 25th, 1:20am, Eastern Time. I’ve had insomnia for as long as I can remember, that might as well be 10 minutes because that’s as far as I can remember. When I do finally fall asleep I don’t wake up until 14 hours later. I don’t even have regular dreams. The last one I had was about a giant squirrel trying to kill me. He tried to force himself into the house. I held the window shut while he tried to pull it up, didn’t even try to smash it, just pull it up. Weird.

My cell phone always rings at inopportune times. Like when I’m taking a dump. I mean I’ve been sitting on the couch all day doing nothing, could have used a good conversation in fact, but no, I get a call in the middle of a number 2.

Asi De Fria!

Tomorrow night I have a show at the Laugh Factory in New York. We’ve already done three shows and it’s been damn fun. The audience response has been terrific and the free Coors Light I get, refreshing! If you’re in the New York City area and want tickets to the show please visit my website – www.justlaz.com and if you want to tell your husband that your baby may not be his call Montel.

Just Waiting for this Moment to Arrive

Last Time on Highway 101 My trip to California had to be cut short because reality doesn’t wait. I had some financial business to attend that couldn’t wait. However my last week in California didn’t go to waste. I spent most of my time sleeping and watching T.V.

My Aunt kept trying to convince me to stay and find work there and I was very tempted. Over there I have my privacy, life is a lot slower, and the weather is paradise but alas I didn’t feel it would work out for me. I need the hustle and bustle of New York and I’m not ready to give up my dreams so easily. It was sad to leave Santa Maria again; just the scent in the air reminds me of happier times.

The day I left I woke up early and drove to L.A. a 3 hour trip. One more time I took in the mountains and the ocean along highway 101. I even saw a black bird flying beside me and one more time I thought about the words to that Beatles song by the same name. Before I dropped off the car I decided to pay a visit to Freddie Prinze Sr. at the Forest Lawn Cemetery in Burbank. This was the biggest cemetery I’ve ever been too. I pulled up to the front gate where I was greeted by a security guard who gave me a map and instructed me where to go. Not really knowing where Freddie was located I just went in hoping to drive in the right direction. I parked the car next to a curb and just began walking around. I almost took my camera with me but then I thought it wouldn’t be appropriate, no it wouldn’t. This moment was supposed to be private. I couldn’t believe how many grave plates and stones and plaques covered the grass. I walked through an outside corridor and by chance just ended up standing in front of Freddie’s grave. It was located on a wall in a section called the Sanctuary of Light. I noticed that he had fresh flowers already placed on his tomb and so did his Father Karl who was located right beside him. I clumsily made some room for some white flowers I had bought for him and just sat there with Freddie for a while. Someone had hung a little angel trinket over his name and I wondered who had come to visit him. It was surreal to be there, in front of him. He passed away the same year I was born and now here I was standing in this cemetery 3000 miles from home, visiting a person I never met. Even so, I do feel I know him, not as a comedian or T.V. star but as a person, I do know that.

I spent the rest of the afternoon sitting in an airport coffee shop thinking about what an adventure this past month has been and how I would miss it.

Meeting Joe Franklin I wasn’t back in New York long before I started doing comedy again. A good friend of mine started to host a show at the New York Comedy Club and he invited me down. It felt good to hang out with some comics on a cold NY night and do a set in front of a crowd.

A few days later I caught up with my producer friend, El Gordo and we met with a production company to talk about the future of our show. On our way back to Port Authority he asked me if I wanted to come with him to see Joe Franklin. I agreed and we ventured up into the offices of the Laugh Factory in Times Square. I didn’t know much about whom I was about to meet other than his office has a reputation for being cluttery, to say the least. When we walked in I could barely see the little man amongst all the boxes and papers riddling the room. Newspapers, Magazines, Books, and Novelties stacked up as far as the eye could see. His desk was an enigma of paperwork and the only spare room he had was carved out around his chair so he could sit and swivel. Two vintage phones sat on his desk with his assistant constantly answering one of them while Joe conducted business on the other.

I immediately recognized his face and thought back to all the times I’d seen him on T.V. He gave us a big smile and gestured for us to sit down. I thought it rude to interrupt him while he is in the middle of business but it quickly dawned on me that his office was never empty and this was business as usual.

In between phones calls he would give us a word or two of small talk and then the phone would ring again, but I never got the feeling we weren’t welcome there, in fact it was quite the opposite. Before we left he graced us with a joke, he loves jokes:

One man complains to his friend that he can never get laid so his friend tells him to lie and pretend he’s someone important like a doctor or a lawyer. Sure enough the man meets a pretty lady and tells her he’s a lawyer. Later on they end up in bed together and the man thinks to himself; “Wow it’s only been half an hour since I’ve been a lawyer and I’m already fucking someone.”

Click here for more on Joe Franklin

Back on Spanish Television Telemundo invited us back to tape a few more comedy sketches for their morning show. Again with barely any notice I came up with a few quick skits we could pull off. It’s difficult work to say the least because the odds are against me. I have to improvise on national television with no props, sound effects, or post production. It has to be done on a bare set with two cameras on a very tight schedule. Needless to say I think we once again pulled through and gave them what they wanted but I bumped heads with the producer about allowing me creative freedoms. We’ve been fighting a lot lately about the content of the show but the way I see it is if I wrote it I should have final say over it. Maybe I’m to over protective of my work.

Grand Opening of a Comedy Club

The king of nostalgia, Joe Franklin whom I had met earlier in this blog just opened a brand new comedy club in the heart of Manhattan. I was invited to perform a set on the opening weekend of the club which was very nice of Joe. It was a Saturday night and as I approached the front entrance I spotted the producer I work with along with another fellow posting up headshots. I remember enjoying the atmosphere in the air. Spring finally arrived and as the sun set the city became alive with movement. I stood outside for a bit and chit chatted, then I walked inside.

I met a few new comics I’ve never seen before. In particular, this little Russian man who wore a loud shirt and was partially bald. He reminded me of Robin Williams in the Fisher King. He told me he was a calculus teacher when he wasn’t doing comedy or commercials. He mentioned how he lives in the projects in Newark and only pays $642 dollars a month while the people with houses across the street pay a lot more. He regarded it as a great deal and it never dawned on him that living in such a place was bad. He thought they called it the projects because they haven’t finished it yet. This conversation made me realize that life is simply what you perceive it to be. That one man’s nightmare is another man’s paradise.

The show went well although we all wished the audience was a tad more….alive. No worries, that was the first show and everyone was well received. The second show turned out to be decent with a birthday party that came in and they were very lively. When I finished my set I asked Joe if he would do me the honor of signing the copy of his book, which his associate was kind enough to give me. I was impressed that Joe remembered my name even though we had only been introduced once.

Joe Franklin’s Comedy Club is located on 50th Street & 7th Ave, next to Fridays.

Nuyorican Poets Cafe My good friend Victor invited me to be in his music video for his DVD, the Victor Cruz Show. It’s nice to work with friends because that underlying pressure doesn’t exist on the shoot. We had a lot of laughs standing in some playground on the upper west side. A week later I got to see the finished product on the big screen. I headed down to the Nuyorican Poets Café downtown for the premiere. This place has plenty of history to it. It was started in 1973 by poet and writer Miguel Algarin who was also a college professor at Rutgers University. I had the pleasure of meeting him face to face and we chatted a bit about art and theatre. Copies of his book were neatly on display on top of his bar and he perched beside them. The entire scene was already surreal and so I dove in and purchased a copy of this book in which he signed. The rest of the night was just as interesting with performances from comics to an audience mainly consisting of comics.

Victor’s little brother Geo went up and did a comedy set. The kid’s got natural talent and is obviously following in his brothers footsteps.

JustLaz.com Updates

Make sure you check out my website. I’ve revamped the entire site with a new format. New Videos – Pictures – and even a New Audio section with goodies going up all the time. Sign my guestbook or just drop me a line anytime..

You Promised Me Poems

This Dark World Mine I came across a Memory that Lies within my Thoughts. A Dream of you in which I lost the Battle I had Fought. I Never spoke the words of Love to her I will not Speak. And All my Secrets run and Hide, as Long as this Heart Beats.

Your Whisper heard around the World, and Kiss of Demon Lock. Your Eyes that Melt away the Blur, and Pierce like Diamond Rock.

I Lay in Lust, this Dark World Mine Where Hate is Loved and Love Despised. My Skies are Bleak, my Rivers Deep, My Sanity Deprived. Who might this Creature be, who Carries Cries Within my Night And Speaks of Fate in Rhymes. That Destiny will hold your Soul a Thousand Years of Time, I must be Guilty of this Fear I have to Love you is a Crime.

Alone I be with Naked Lies, and Bitter Truths, I must decide, Fore in the Dark my Love is Gone, Alone I Dance this Endless Song.

Peaceful Thoughts will run Along with Wrongful rights and Rightful wrongs, but no one comes and no one cares, alone I’ll drink my wine, my rum.

My Eyes are Dead, no Longer Clear My Sound far Gone, I can not Hear. My Touch so Numb, I can Not Feel. My Soul now Lost, I have no Fear.

By Laz

California Dreaming

Hop in for a while My trip to California began on a Sunday in early January. I was on my way to the airport just before dawn and not one soul was on the streets. The song Blackbird began to play on the radio, a song I’ve never heard before, all of a sudden I felt a rush of relief come over me. I thought about the past few years and how I’ve always had the same job. I thought about friends I had just seen and would probably never see again. I thought about how much I’ve changed and how much had stayed the same. So much confusion and doubt had followed me around but somehow I knew this trip was supposed to happen. My stress already, began to pour out the open windows and for the first time in a long time, I left it behind me.

I met with my dad for breakfast before I left. I hardly get to see him anymore and it was nice to sit down just the two of us. He never really opens up and tells me what’s on his mind but then again neither do I. He was nice enough to drive me the rest of the way to the airport and with a quick goodbye and take care of your self, I was off. Even though we never really communicate much, to me he’s a great dad and I’m lucky to have him.

It was a long plane trip on top of another three hours in a car but I finally arrived in Santa Maria that night. As soon as I stepped off the plane the scent in the air transported me back in time and all these great memories came rushing back to me. It was nostalgic and a bit depressing all at the same time because those times were so far away gone.

Don’t call it Frisco! First thing I did when I got to Cali was rent a car and oh what a car it was. A brand new Chevy Cobalt, ohhhhhhh. I hopped in my rental car, said goodbye to my aunt and drove 300 miles to San Francisco. It was such a great drive, just me, some good music, and the beautiful weather. Half way to my destination I stopped to refuel. I pull up to this gas station in the middle of nowhere country and I just sat there waiting….and waiting….and waiting. I’m saying to myself, “Where the hell is this gas attendant!” I’m honking the horn and causing a ruckus and wondering why everyone is staring at me. Then I see the sign that says, “SELF SERVE.”

I arrived in San Francisco 4 hours after I left Santa Maria. Luckily I have a friend who just moved to Frisco two weeks prior to my arrival. She was now living with her boyfriend and they were nice enough to allow me to stay at their new place. It was in a section called the Mission. This city has many little sections with names like Chinatown, the Castro, and Dogpatch and all these little sections are very small consisting of only a few blocks. You can smell the liberalness in the air; it’s a very open minded city, except don’t call it San Fran or Frisco, they hate that.

One particular activity that grew on me was the drinking of wine. My friend was always into drinking wine and she educated me a little bit. We sat in her back yard sipping and talking about old times waiting for her boyfriend to arrive. I was a little nervous about meeting him; after all here I am some guy he doesn’t know blowing into town to see his girlfriend and staying over his place. Probably didn’t sound too good when he heard it either. When we did meet he was very nice to me, also a genuinely funny person. He won me over right off with his sense of humor and we quickly became good friends. This friend of mine, let’s call her Cha-Cha, is like a bratty sister to me and unlike some guys I am capable of having a friendship with a female that has nothing to do with sex.

Attacked by Cujo

Sitting outside relaxing I was introduced to their roommate and also to a gay next door neighbor who came out to do some gardening. Following closely behind him was this animal called a pit-bull. Now I’m a dog lover, I even like cats, I’m in all around animal person, I am not however food for an animal. The second this beast came out I had this nervous feeling and I said to myself, “Relax Laz the dog just looks vicious and mean, it’s probably just a lovable little creature.” That’s when it attacked the roommate, viciously. The only thing the gay neighbor could do was faintly yell at his dog, “Thtop it! Thtop it!” Seems to me that even the owner was a little scared. Why would a gay guy keep a pit-bull anyway, seems like an oxymoron. Anyway, it wasn’t long until this dog got a taste for some Latino blood and came lunging at me a few times. For the rest of my stay I kept having nightmares that I was stuck in the Steven King movie, Cujo. That weekend we painted the town red, bar hopping, dinning in fine restaurants, and watching live bands. By the last day I was so tired and hung over all I wanted to do was stay home and order a pizza, and that’s what we did. The pizza in Frisco taste different from New York. For some reason because of the natural chemistry of this city everything is made with sour dough bread. Also it was being prepared by 2 burnt hippies instead of the usual Italians in wife beater shirts yelling out phrases like, “Ay, ya wanna pie or what?”

A little History and a lot of Chicken Wing.

Before I left I did get a chance to spend some time with my aunt from my dad’s side of the family. Her family was so nice taking me out to Pier 39 and showing me all the sites there. The last time I had seen her was when I was 12 years old. We spent the day walking around and catching up on each others lives. I learned a little more about my family’s history like how my dad stole one of Castro’s boats and sailed here illegally when he was 15 years old. He didn’t even get all the way to the USA instead somehow ended up in Haiti first. We also talked about my late grandfather. It was sad coming back because the last time I visited he was still alive and it was the first and only time I ever met him.

That night at the apartment we ordered Chinese food. Chinese food in Frisco is similar to the pizza, made by hippies and not by authentic angry Chinese people who talk 100mph. So I bite into a chicken wing and one of my crowns came loose, as in one of my front teeth crack off. I freak. I run into the bathroom and luckily it wasn’t that bad, but now I have a loose tooth and normal eating is a thing of the past, great. I left San Francisco a little wiser and made a few new friends along the way. It was a good experience with the city by the bay.

Here I go again on my Own

The following week I was back with my aunt from my mom’s side of the family in Santa Maria. A quaint little farming town that’s very quiet and very boring if you don’t know anyone and I don’t. I call up the dentist because of my emergency and get an appointment to go in the next day. They say I have to get a new crown and that it’s going to take at least a month. Well, what am I going to do just walk around not eating anything? So I agree and the same day extended my stay until God knows when. I actually called up Jet Blue and had the following conversation:

Laz: “Yes I need to extend my flight.” JetBlue: “Certainly sir, until when?” Laz: “God knows when lady.” JetBlue: “Your flight has been extended until God knows when. Would isle 16A be ok?”

I went to the bar attempting to make some friends since I’d be staying awhile and the bartender was putting up the chairs at 9pm. Not a soul is in this town. Luckily I have my 16 year old cousin to entertain me. I sit in the house and watch him play video games or I drive him about the town to see his friends. It’s great just me and all these teenagers hanging out at the Barnes and Nobles. I’ve never felt older in all my life. I asked one of his friends how old he thought I was and his response was, “You’re like in your thirties, like old right?” My other cousin is 18 and the lead singer of a hardcore heavy metal punk band. He invited me over to see one of his shows and I thought, awesome he’s older and bit more mature how hardcore can his music be. The entire night I stood in the back of the room fending for my life. I felt like a lion tamer holding up a chair pushing back kids who were going crazy in the mosh pit.

On my way to L.A.

My producer set me up with an actor friend of his who lives in L.A. Now I’m weary about staying in a stranger's place but I have a cousin whom I never met before who lives close by so I figured I could always crash at his place. Yea I know makes no sense. Anyway my producer also got me this two day gig doing a showcase for CBS. His voice message sounded like this:

“Dude, Laz listen. I got you this audition with CBS, their doing a comedy showcase out there, I want you to go and stay with a buddy of mine, you better fuckin go alright, peace bitch.”

An audition for CBS, wow I thought. So I drive to Los Angeles and find out I just volunteered to be a stage hand in a showcase for CBS featuring the best sketch comedians from around the country. Basically they didn’t even know I existed. I was just there to move the scenery. Well I made lemonade out of lemons and for the next two days I got up and was the best damn stage hand I could be. I ended up meeting the VP of casting for CBS and made friends with some of the actors. I got to watch a great director and writer from Broadway work and it turned out to be a great experience. The rest of the time my actor friend who we shall call Raff, took me all around LA. The first night I was there we went to this bar on the Sunset strip called Skybar. It was an interesting atmosphere. The lights were turned down way dim, a swimming pool lay right there in the middle of the room, and beds were scattered all about. I wondered if I should have bought a pillow and some swimming trunks. Talk about seducing someone here, you didn’t even have to take them to a motel when the time came.

After a few drinks Raff and I headed over to the famous Rainbow room. I didn’t really see anything famous about it. It was a bar and upstairs they had a room where amateur musicians and comedians would perform all night. When I say all night, I mean until 2am. Every place in California closes at 2am, very tame compared to New York but as Raff pointed out, “You don’t have to drive in NY.” Not having a car in LA is like missing your legs in a potato sack race, it just won’t work.

Sleeping on Deflated Air.

Raff was kind enough to let me stay at his place, and he set up an air mattress for me in his small studio apartment. Now Raff has two cats and one of them apparently clawed a small hole in this air mattress. Slowly but surely it deflated over the course of the night. I began sleeping on air and by morning I ended up on the hardwood floor with two cats oddly staring at me as if to say, “Look at this asshole, sleeping on a deflated air mattress.” Before I met with Raff, I decided to pay a visit to my long lost cousin on my Dad’s side of the family whom I’ve never met. It’s funny how I end up in Long Beach in a complete stranger’s house and they treat me as if they’ve known me all my life. They took me out to a real nice all you can eat buffet and set me up in my own room. I also learned a little bit more about my past. According to my cousin who is now in his 60’s, the Viciedo family were millionaires in Cuba before Castro took over. My Grandfather owned 3 farms, 2 department stores and a gas station. No wonder I have such good taste, hehe. In any case, one by one my family left Cuba for a better life here in the United States. The only one who stayed behind was another aunt of mine who is a doctor.

The Longest Blog in the world. My trip isn’t over yet and I plan on updating as often as possible. At this time I would like to thank all of you who read this blog but I would like to especially thank Paula (pictured below) who has stood by me and supported my career for a long time now. Thankx Paula! I would also like to send out a big thank you to the people at the Chico and the Man forum on Sitcoms Online for being like a second family to me. As Elvis would say, Thank you….Thank you very much. Laz has left the blogging.

Laz on TELEMUNDO

Spanish Television

Last Friday I was invited to appear on Telemundo, only the biggest Spanish television network in the universe! I awoke at 5:30am, yes AM, and got myself ready in the darkness. I hoped on a bus to Times Square where I met my three colleagues for the ride back to New Jersey. That’s where the studios are located. It was snowing like mad outside but the streets were so peaceful at 6am . It was so early even the sun wasn’t awake yet and the only noise surrounding me was the sound of silence.

We arrived at the studios right on time and promptly entered. The place looks just like a corporate office but has a huge television studio smack in the middle. Three different sets sat next to each other. A news set, a green screen, and one was made up with Christmas décor with fake presents strategically placed everywhere. After a quick look around we made our way to the kitchen, that’s where we came upon a very expensive looking cappuccino machine. We immediately began making cappuccinos while wondering what in the hell we were going to do. You see, my producer failed to mention the fact that we had to fill about twelve minutes of air time and we had nothing prepared, not a thing.

Now we have an unprepared group of comedians hopped up on cappuccino attempting to brainstorm. No one wanted to leave the kitchen for fear of running out of this super coffee, so we sat and tried to think up a few skits. We had this great idea of mocking the news and concentrated our hyper energy into coming up with a quick scenario. After about an hour we had our concept and were ready to fly, needless to say some of us already on our third cup of cappuccino did fly. Bringing some cappuccino with us we waited in the green room and rehearsed our scenes in Spanish. After a short time the producer came in and asked us to join him in the studio where they were going to pre tape our appearance. We showed him what we had planned and then…he turned it down. He explained that they were the news and could not mock themselves, ah censorship. We stood there in shock and awe. Now we really have nothing and the camera is rolling. We quickly huddled, and in a chaotic mess of coffee bean energy we pulled from our bag of tricks four sketches in 2 minutes flat. Wow. We performed them one after another and slowly people who worked there, crew members, producers, and actors all began to crowd around the set, watching us perform. They began to laugh and applaud and by the time it was over everyone had a big smile on their face. One person shouted out, “Give us another one!” So we snuck in a quick promo for our show as silly as can be.

After hovering around a bit longer taking pictures we decided to leave but not before I made the mistake of referring to the station as channel 41, instead of 47. You see, channel 41 is their nemesis, their rival enemy, the station they want dead. DOH! It must have been the coffee talking.

LLEGAMOS Show Status

Two shows complete, only two to go. We’ve had a decent size audience and Coors has enjoyed our performances. It’s been weird, it’s been wacky, and it’s been fun. If you’re in the New York City area you should defiantly check out this show because it’s one of a kind.

Last Week in Yuppie Land

This is my last week working in corporate America. Like so many others before me I have been laid-off. People keep coming up to me offering me their apologies but for me this isn’t such a sad occasion. When you get laid off people look at you like you have some sort of rare incurable disease and some won’t speak to you for fear of it being contagious. I’m looking forward to some lazy days and have planned a trip to California in January. I’ve had to put some projects on hold because of these life changes but I’m sure I’ll come back to them at some point soon. Sometimes life makes you take a break even if you don’t want one, in this case, I want one.

Goodbye Richard Pryor The painting above was done by good friend and comedian Nestor Rodriguez.

A groundbreaking legend of comedy, Richard Pryor has passed away this weekend. I just wanted to acknowledge how much he inspired me as a kid to pursue comedy. He always had a way of telling us the truth and showing us how we can find humor in even the hardest of times. Thank You Richard Pryor for making us laugh and enriching the way we look at our lives.

IT’S SHOWTIME!

Performance Eve After many weeks of rehearsing for the show “LLEGAMOS LIVE” I’m proud to say….we are ready? Tomorrow night is our opening night and I’m a little bit nervous. I always get nervous before shows though, it’s a natural nervousness. Sure I wrote and directed this one and sure it’s being sponsored by Coors Light, a great tasting beer, and sure all the actors were constantly late to rehearsal and barely know their lines not to mention their blocking, let alone the fact that we haven’t gotten all the costumes in yet but hey…..I’m used to it. I can’t think of any show after my college career that I didn’t do in utter and complete chaos. In fact if this show were running too smoothly I’d be even more of a nervous wreck. If I’m not thrust into a show by the seat of my pants barely recognizing up from down in a wonderland like spiral of uncertainty, then something is wrong.

To the actors credit though, they got a lot of heart, they are extremely talented people and I know we are going to kill.

Smoker Spasms

So I’ve decided to try and give up smoking….again. I’m sure you’ve heard of the recent trend to ban smoking in every conceivable place including outdoors. If that’s not enough now they want to pass laws restricting you from lighting up in your own car. Ah, I remember a time way back when, a time when my step-father would take us to the movies and light up right their in his seat. I would be distracted by the silhouette of his after smoke rising high toward the projector choking the elderly on the balcony. A time when he would fire up in an airplane on the way to sunny California and his smoke would immediately silence small babies insistently crying in an aisle near by, a simpler time. Like the time he used his cigarette as a weapon against the homeless guy trying to clean his windshield in New York City, ah what a magical time.

What is happening to our society? Is individual health overshadowing the freedom to kill ourselves and the people in our direct vicinity? What’s next? Smokers will be hunted down, put in train cars, and whisked away to concentration camps. Smokers Camps! The government will stamp every smoker with his or her brand of cigarette. Camels, Parliament, and New Port Lights displayed prominently on your arm for everyone to see. People with the slightest cough will be hauled away never to be heard form again! Wow…I need a cigarette. So I’m trying to quit not for my own health but to become an under cover non-smoker.

At the Movies

This weekend I got around to seeing Jarhead at the AMC theatre in Times Square. First off, this movie theatre is ridiculously huge. After purchasing our tickets from a machine we had to go up five flights of stairs, hike up a path way, take a canoe by candelabra, and meet an aboriginal man who cut through a jungle with a machete after which we had to solve a Da Vinci code to find our theatre. Somewhere in between this dense maze I managed to stop at a concession stand where I purchased a small popcorn and bottle of water for only ten dollars and my first born child. We got there just in time…to see about a thousand movie previews. One movie preview after another, by the time the movie started it had come out on DVD. I could have made my own film in the time it took for this freakin movie to begin. I must admit, the chairs were comfy.

So the movie starts and to my dismay it wasn’t about a circus freak. It was about life as a marine in our modern military. I really hope the government doesn’t use this film to try and recruit people. It basically illustrated how utterly uncomfortable and pointless fighting a war would be. There were a few short sex scenes which enriched the movie somewhat. Not to many combat scenes, barely any blood, no unnecessary strings of violence all of which was disappointing but over all I did enjoy watching this movie because I thought to myself, “I’m glad I’m watching this movie and not living it.” So if you want to see a good war movie, rent Full Metal Jacket.

Halloween Hijinks

Boo Ya!

Hello my ghouls & gals it’s been over a month since my last confession and much has happened. First let me wish you all a Happy Halloween.

Speaking of death I’m getting laid off from my day job. Usually any sentence with the word laid in it is a good thing. They approached me and said, “Your position has been eliminated.” I pictured the terminator coming back from the future with a big machine gun going from office to office terminating the obsolete workers. Well I can’t say I’m too terribly upset about this, it’s been a long time coming and I’m actually not surprised. I’ve been waiting for it for quite a while and it’s time to go. I’ve been at my job for 8 long years and I couldn’t stay here forever. I’m excited and nervous at the same time. This job has been my second home for so long it’s going to be a little bit of a shock waking up in the morning with no place to go….wait what am I saying, like I’m going to wake up in the morning, more like the afternoon.

Another Nail in the Coffin

Not only did I get the news that my job will no longer exist but in that same week my land lady approached me, “I have some family moving in and I’m going to need your room….you will be eliminated.” Ok she didn’t say that last part but for a moment I wondered what invisible forces were running ramped through my life. So I’m being forced to once again pack it up and move it out like some nomad on yet another strange journey. Where will I end up next?

So since I have no money, no job, and no place to live I decided to do what any logical human being in my situation would do….take a vacation. I’ve decided to spend 2 weeks in sunny California. I’ll be visiting a little farming town where my aunt resides called Santa Maria. It’s the same town where the famous Neverland Ranch is located. I used to spend my summers there when I was a kid and have nothing but fond memories of the place. No, none have to do with Michael Jackson for the record. Oh how I remember the nights when my older cousin and I would walk the streets penniless occasionally committing misdemeanor crimes such as taunting the local K9’s with a bebe gun and setting off illegal firecrackers in the middle of the night. Good times. Well I shall be alone this time around; my cousin is now living in Jersey as a manager for a strip club, and is creating memories of his own now.

Run of the Living Dead

In the midst of moving out of my office and moving out of my house I’ve taken on a few projects before my vacation. Leave it to me to pile up the shit mountain. I finished off my run with the show “Abnormal Stew” last Friday to no attendance. Not one soul showed up. It was, to say the least a bitter sweet ending. We said our quick good byes to each other and to no hurrahs left it at that. I was proud of everyone for fulfilling their commitment to the show and sticking though it, even if no one witnessed it.

I got cast in a short film called “Latin Rewind”, directed by a young film maker who shows a lot of promise. Yesterday was my second shoot and everyone is quite pleasant to work with. It’s a film about a guy who can rewind time but by only two minutes, a trait I wished I possessed. I play a thug named Pako, the villain of this story who enjoys robbing and tormenting the weak. Sure you could say it’s a stereotypical Latino role but really I am whatever you say I am, if I wasn’t then why would I say I am.

Coming back from the dead is the show “LLEGAMOS” (We have arrived) at the Laugh Factory later this month. I was hired to write, direct, and act in this live show. It’s a lot of hats to wear but I’m up for it. It’s a sketch comedy show sponsored by Coors and we have a great cast. The other night I had to yell at my actors for being late to rehearsal, which was difficult because they are all friends who I’ve worked with side by side for many years but I’m not there to keep friends, I’m there to put on a hit show. Hopefully in the end they will see that as well. Other than that they are all doing an excellent job and we have some great comic minds collaborating together. Mostly everyone who worked on the T.V. version of the show is back along with some new faces.

Click Here for Tickets.

In other news I had to leave the Improv School show because of the recent string of events. It’s just too much on my plate right now but I did very much appreciate the great experience I had with them. I do wish them well and I’m sure their show will be fantastico!

Happy Haunting Laz

All Night Shoots

WEBSITE UPDATED

I've added some new videos to my website check em out under videos.

The DVD Shoot

A very good comedian friend of mine called me to ask if I was available to shoot a sketch that he wrote. He started his own production company and even got a distribution deal to produce his very own DVD series called The Victor Cruz Show. Of course I accepted the invitation and was very excited to work with him again. We have been working together for some years in the comedy club circuit as well as on the T.V. show LLEGAMOS on LTV.

Ghetto Central

The shoot began at 9pm, a night shoot, at in an apartment in Spanish Harlem. I arrived thirty minutes early and stood in front of the building looking very out of place. Although I am Spanish myself, the sketch called for me to play an announcer and so I already had my suit on and in that neighborhood I stuck out like a sore brown thumb. I smoked a cigarette to appear “tougher” and waited for the crew to arrive.

Super Zit

After 2 and a half cigarettes they finally arrived and up we went into the apartment building. While the crew was setting up I began to study my lines. It was challenging because I had mini-monologues through out the script and couldn’t seem to get the grammar down. On top of that I had this monster zit right on my nose, it was a super pimple. I went into the bathroom and began caking my zit with make-up and by the end of the process the hill now looked like a mountain. I now attempted to take focus off that part of my face by pasting on a Groucho like mustache that nearly covered my lips. The director almost rejected the mustache but after giving him a taste of my character he decided to keep it.

Can You Say PENDEJO?

The script was a commercial spoof for a product called “Pendejo Watchers”, for those of you whom are non Spanish speakers, Pendejo means pushover, chump, jackass, and pussy – whipped bitch boy all wrapped into one. It was about how men today let women walk all over them because they are too passive aggressive. In our efforts to please the modern woman we men have giving up being men for being life partners, it really is a sad state of affairs. I myself am traditionally modern and try to be a little bit of both. In the skit a man presents his girlfriend with 2 tickets to a concert and she takes it upon herself to invite her cousin Tita, leaving her man alone at home. At which point the announcer enters and gives the man a special “Pendejo Card” in order for him to keep track of all the times he became a chump. After accumulating a certain amount of “Pendejo Points” the man is now allowed to check the “Not this time Bitch” box and have his revenge.

TIME a TICKIN

After a few hours it dawned on me that after 1am on a week night the buses going back to New Jersey were few and far in between. This made me nervous, agitated and stressed out. I can’t be stuck in the city all night when I have to get to work by 8am the next morning. I implored my friend to get me wrapped up before 1am but by 12:45 I knew this wasn’t going to happen. After I voiced my concerns I felt childish and unprofessional after all I didn’t want to rush them and burn any bridges but what could I do. By 2am I had given up trying to go home and just accepted the fact that I may be stranded. Being in this state of mind I could not concentrate and so when my part came up I could not remember my lines for the life of me. It started to become a nightmare and I was embarrassed. Standing in front of the camera I pulled myself together and delivered the lines as best as I could to no avail. Finally I just started to improv the speech hitting the points as close as possible. Every one was tired but the director remained patient and I appreciated his attitude.

That’s a Wrap!

We finally finished by 3am and the crew offered to give me a ride all the way back to Jersey which saved me. After we loaded up the car we had a long ride back and all I did was think about how tired I would be the next morning. The things I do for my career. I wasn’t happy at all with my performance and wished I could have planned this night out better, oh well, live and learn I guess. To end the night when I got to my car I found a big fat ticket on my windshield to go along with my big fat pimple.

I got to my bed by 4am and just thanked God I was home and not in the middle of Time Square. I barely awoke 3 hours later and drove to work half asleep in a zombie state of mind.

A Comment on Comments

Recently I received a comment that someone from a nursing home that follows this blog passed away. While I did not know this person I was touched by the comment and needed to respond to it. Life is so precious and all we have in the end is our memories. I would like you to know that when I received this news I was very saddened and offer my condolences to her friends and family. I’m sure she was a beautiful person who was surrounded by friends. I can only hope that this blog provided them with a smile every once in a while. Thank you for being part of my life. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Until next time God Bless.

Muggy Mayhem

The Summer of Laz

Summer is coming to a close and I still haven’t gone to the beach. I haven’t even splashed in a freakin pool. I was contemplating taking a shower in my swimming trunks. All that will change however, fore this Saturday I’m going to Mountain Creek Water Park! I cannot wait to thrust myself down a plastic tube at 90mph on a thin matt made of foam crashing blindly into a pool.

Back to Comedy School

I have been however working steadily. I recently got hired as an improver for this company called the Improv School. If you don’t know what an improver does I shall explain. An improver has no lines and has no clue what they are going to do or say before they perform, they simply make up a situation up on the spot. It’s just like that show on TV “Who’s Line is it Anyway” < ---good show. Anyway, this group performs for kids in schools around the tri-state area. Its teacher whom we will call “The Professor” has taught me quite a bit about this art form. He studied with the best teachers at Second City in Chicago and has been giving us a crash course on his style of performing. It’s been very insightful and has been quite challenging trying to prepare this for children. You have to be squeaky clean; there is no room for error here. All the actors that are involved are really solid actors and I feel comfortable around them. I thought I was a genius at comedy until I started training for kids, which bought me back to reality real quick. I haven’t done a show yet but I love kid audiences they are really attentive and have a great sense of imagination, I hope I can reach their level. Check out their website:

Abnormal Summer

Last week my latest show “Abnormal Stew” opened to a whopping 3 people at a tiny lil theatre space on 36th street. The experience was indeed abnormal. One of our fellow actors that we will call “DIVA” decided that after 2 months of rehearsals he was no longer going to be a part of the show. He cited the following reasons:

• Those actors aren’t working hard enough. They are unprofessional. • I am doing all the work with no help from anyone what so ever. • I should be the star of the show with my name prominently displayed in lights.

He voiced these concerns after our last rehearsal in which he became drunk and incoherent, disappearing into the bathroom, refusing to finish are one and only run thru with us. To top it off he left us high and dry with only a few days left until the next show. If that isn’t a pillar of professionalism I don’t know what is.

The 5 of us got together and hashed out a solution to our missing main character. Needless to say we pulled it off without a hitch. We actually ran a smooth show that was actually funny. It was tighter and everyone seemed to have more fun with it. To think all we needed to do was get rid of DIVA and his sub par infantile acting technique not to mention his nonsensical rambling style of writing. Come join us any Monday night, all the info is on my website:

www.JustLaz.com

Speaking of which I just revamped my website. Soon I will be adding video and lots of other cool stuff, so check it out.

VIVA AMERICA

A few weeks ago I appeared on a TV show called “Viva America”. I was invited to be their guest comedian for that week. Viva America is an English show about Latino’s in the industry of fashion, food, and the arts and airs on BET jazz every Saturday night at 10pm.

I got called in a day before the shoot, which was on a weekday so I had to take off of work. I can’t tell you how important it is to have a job that allows you such flexibility. I had to meet the camera crew at a restaurant in upper Manhattan called Bohio. It’s a Latin style restaurant (duh). The head chief is also the owner of this establishment. I walked in and immediately recognized one of the camera guys from the TV show LLEGAMOS that I did last year. We said our hellos and he then introduced me to the producer, she was very nice and thanked me for being there. They explained to me what I was to do and asked me to wait until they finished the current segment they were filming. They were to interview the head chief.

I quietly sat in the back watching the interview take place. They had set up a table full of some of his dishes and drinks. After the interview was over I was invited over to try out some of his delicacies. Let me tell you this food was awesome. I didn’t want to be rude and just dog the entire thing so I just took a small bite of each course to try it.

It took only 15 min to film all three of my segments. I had to tell 2 or 3 jokes in the span of 30 seconds or so. The hard part was trying to tell these jokes without an audience but I quickly adapted and conveyed my feelings to the camera as if it were a person. What a great experience.

COMMENTS UNKNOWN

Thanks to everyone who has left comments for me, they are much appreciated. However remember that when you leave a comment I do not know whom it is from because it is automatically anonymous. To those of you who wish to remain that way all the more power to you but to those people, who know me, please be sure to leave a name or I won’t know whom the comment is from. Thank you again – That is all.

Mid-Summer Adventures

GREETINGS CYBER LITERATES So two entries ago, I mean since all of you are following so intently, 2 entries ago I mentioned a play I got cast in. “Abnormal Stew”. Well it’s been a couple of months of rehearsal and I’m pleased to say that it has been quite the adventure indeed. The show opens in 22 days from today so there is still plenty more to come.

We rehearse twice a week in different locations around the city. I have gotten to know many spaces and found a whole world of performers in little rooms with pianos in them, singing their butts off, more rooms full of oddly shaped mirrors and strange carpets, huge rooms with endless ceilings high up on the 16th floor. Hallways of performers scurrying along, drinking their bottled water, having casually formal conversations about art and culture, nervous actors with scripts in their hands preparing the performance of their entire lives. It’s a vibrant universe of chaotic expression. I fit right in.

We have come a long way from the first draft of the script and now are well on our way to a full rounded show. Every show I do is different and this one….is no different. The best way to describe it is an absurd play. It’s full of grotesque wackiness and makes no apologies for it’s content. I must say it’s nice not to apologize. If you are not easily offended you will probably be offended. Not for the pregnant, infantile, or elderly. The main character is a perverted coked up sock monkey. What is a Sock Monkey you ask? Well, the important thing is that he’s coked up and perverted.

AND NOW A MOMENT WITH LAZ

This summer (so far) has been exciting but also difficult. I don’t really talk about my personal relationships here, I’m not really sure why. I think I’ve been closed up emotionally for a long time, by that I mean I haven’t been honest with others nor to myself. I put up a front, a fake representative of myself. I’ve been playing the part for so long that I forgot who I was. I’m being really vague. Ok…I’ve had a steady girlfriend for 3 years and just recently the relationship ended. There. I cared for her very deeply and because of that reason I had to let her go. It’s hard for me to really write any more details because it’s just difficult to speak about.

Laz, you ask, what does the above have to do with your comedy career? Well Chico, I’ll tell you. Comedy is an extension of who you are. What you do on stage should reflex your entire spectrum of being. ß--At this juncture I feel as though I speaking out of my ass, forgive me. I shall blog again when I can escape this horrid cloud of haze.

Confessions of an Impersonator

RED - WHITE - AND OLIVE

July 4th weekend, the official non-official start of the summer. Bar-B-Que’s a burning, kids screaming mainly because school is out for the summer, and old people come out into the sunlight.

CARNIVAL THRILLS This July 4th weekend I took my gal out to the Meadowlands Carnival. It’s the state fair and I try to go every year. I had called some college friends to come and join us and they met us at the gate. Although we didn’t hang out for long, they wanted to eat and with oh so much stuff to do at the carnival I wasn’t about to wait.

I remember one summer in high school I had a friend whose family were carnival folk and to avoid paying for rides I graciously volunteered myself to “help out” around the carnival so to speak. I was put in charge of the kiddy swing ride, not having any experience in the carnival arts whatsoever I thought starting out in charge of running a machine that propels little kids in a circle at high speeds was the perfect choice. After several hours of frolicking around the fair grounds I decided to give up rides. Not because I’ve had my fill but from witnessing the put together and taken apart of these rides. All I remember is thinking, “I was this close to death on this ride and that close to amputation on that ride.”

But this is the STATE fair after all, not a crumby town fair. Surely its inhabitants take better care of the rides. We went on one ride….once. The pirate ship. After that it was all the games you could afford. We played shooting games, tossing games, getting conned for 5 bucks games, it was great!

Around 10pm, after the pig races, don’t ask, we made our way over to the Hypnotist show. I love this show, I see it every year, well I get on stage almost every year and this year was no different. The hypnotist asked for a bunch of volunteer’s from the audience but I did not get picked so on to plan B. I pretended to get hypnotized in the audience, I hate to say pretended but there is no other word I can use. After he was dissatisfied with a few he had originally picked he had them sit back down, took one glance at me and called me up. I followed his instructions like a seasoned pro and soon it was a back and forth between myself and the hypnotist. I don’t know if he remembers me from all the years I’ve been on stage with him but even so, it feels like we have this unspoken relationship, consciously or subconsciously. The audience was about 1000 strong and I could feel their energy thru their laughter. At the finally the hypnotist posed one more challenge, “To the one I am touching right now, when I say the word tickets, you will run back up on stage and become the R&B star R. Kelly, and you will dance and perform to his song Yea-Yea”.

I went back to my seat and upon hearing my queue word; I was running on stage again and gave what felt like 5 minutes of dancing in front of a packed crowd, outside on a carnival summer night. It was invigorating. The rest of the night I felt like a celebrity as people approached me to ask me if that was real, if I remembered, and most importantly to tell me they had pissed in their pants watching me.

For me it was a temporary feeling of once again accomplishing something. Just listening to people scream and cheer with laughter reenergized me, even if it was out of context of my regular performances. Who cares, I still performed. How I long to have my own show with a crowd like that, then people would be yelling LAZ – LAZ!, instead of R.KELLY - R. KELLY!

Another one for the memories.

Happy 4th of July 05 Twice77

A REAL bummer

HELLO EVERYBODY! Photo by Zee

Well I’m not going to say it’s been awhile because it’s always awhile. I did receive some interesting comments from some blog readers out there. I can’t really verify that it was not a joke but apparently I’m in big hit in a retirement home somewhere in the U.S.A. What else can I say but, the ladies can’t get enough of THIS! I do want to thank everyone who has left comments for me; it’s always nice to know someone is paying attention, even if it’s mildly perverted and sexual.

One of the comments mentioned that they have been following my comedy career. Well it’s hardly a career. All I do is work my butt off and nothing pans out. It’s like I’m stuck in this parallel universe and I can see my goal but can never reach it.

WHAT I’M DOING NOW

At the moment I got cast in a comedic play with a group called Babyhippo productions. They are a family of entertainers who all met up in New York to write and stage a show called “Abnormal Stew”. It’s probably one of the wackiest projects I have ever been involved with. The family of actors are real cool, down to earth people that have a very similar sense of humor as I do. They are very open minded and don’t seem to feel threatened by others opinions and ideas, a very refreshing prospect. The last time I had so much fun was in college where the stakes where similar.

As Yoda might say: “Thinking a lot, I have been.” On the bus to the city the other night, looking out the window I stared at the New York City landscape. The view from the Jersey side is amazing. As the sun’s shadows fell upon the skyscrapers I thought, “I give my life to acting, to comedy, to my career.” Saying that made me feel better as if I really didn’t have a choice, it is my purpose, my destiny. I give it over to the theatre Gods, do what you will with me.

MELLONS OF THOUGHT ARRIVE

Today I don’t feel so nostalgic, I feel trapped as usual. Like a robot I sit here in my office and pick up the same phone to answer and solve the same problems. To be harassed by nasty unappreciated spoiled people who think the world revolves around them. As a result my health is finally catching up with me. I feel weak and sick. I’ve been to the doctors 3 times this month alone. The doctor implored me to cut down on my smoking; he says I’m too young to be having such problems. He asked if I’m under an unduly stress, I simply looked at him and smiled.

My body and soul plead with me to take a leap of faith and follow my dreams, but I thought I already was. I think I’ve been lying to myself about it, hoping I would get lucky and just be discovered on a Sunday night at a comedy club.

I work so hard and still feel like I haven’t achieved anything. My confidence now only exists in performance. My personal life suffers from utter lack of self esteem. I’m ashamed of who I am becoming. Watching a TV commercial the other day I almost wept with sadness, the commercial wasn’t even that good but my emotions are running high. I only look forward to performing to escape this monotony I’m stuck in. If I have nothing to do I sleep for 15 hours at a time.

Most others will confess to the same thing. Most others will say, “Well yea me too, what about me? I had dreams and had to let them go why shouldn’t you” I’ve never been one to listen to people but it’s true what they say. I can’t speak for them; all I can say is that I made all my choices with only once thing in mind, my career. There is nothing else for me. Now you may think, come on there is plenty you can do, don’t be such a wuss. Well I’ve tried to jump into web design with enthusiasm but I’ve realized that the only reason I’m into it at all is for the chance of being able to make more money to continue performing. I’ve noticed that I really do not have a choice and if I don’t do this I will never be me.

NOW - Now

I’m scared and don’t know which way I’m going. I feel like I have a blindfold on and I’m standing on a cliff. I went back and read some of my past entries, seems to be a pattern there. I’m a pessimistic optimist who’s introverted and hides using extroverted tendencies. Figure that one out. I’m vain and selfless all at the same time. Point is I’m stuck in a cycle that is making me increasing hopeless.

So what do I do? Do I quit my job, move back with poor mom and dad who can barely make ends meet and let them drive me crazy? Do I take off to LA by the seat of my pants and leave everyone I love behind for the sake of my own life? That last one has been tempting. Do I stay here, build a life, start a family and then resent them all for not following my own dreams? It wouldn’t matter much; if I stay where I am my health will eventually finish off my fate, how could I start a family then. I’m fading more quickly than before and yet I am am the strongest I have ever been in my art.

I'm scared to leave the people I love, I’m torn between their happiness and mine.

Final Thoughts

To my readers, I apologize if I have brought some of you down, but it’s important that this blog represent every side of my experience so that future hopefuls can educate themselves and perhaps save themselves from the same fate I am suffering. Don’t worry I will get back up again and again until I can no longer stand. I will make a choice soon and I will face my fears. If I don’t, I guess I will die trying.

Take care TwiCe77

Revenge of the Geek

ITS BEEN A WHILE......

So whats up, hows it going, how ya been, hows it hanging???? Me, I've been busy, I'm talkin, not enough time to do anything - which is probably a good definition for busy. Anyway, lots has happened since my last post...........actually not much has happened since my last post.

CAREER STATUS

I am now working alone from the office. The lady I used to work with got a promotion and took off and the company isn't going to bother to hire any one new. Hmmmm. Can you say - Pink Slip. I mean they havent said anything officially yet but I have a feeling they are gonna shut down this entire operation and move to another location. People have been leaving in droves. Everyday I hear of another round of layoffs or just people who have had it. Well I'm still here.

In terms of my acting career, havent done much lately. I do the occasional stand-up show here and there but nothing concreate. So what I decided to do was pull back a little on my strenous comedy career and take a break to learn web design. I mentioned in one of my last posts that I would be going to school for this. Well, Im two classes in and got one more to go. It's a good school and I've learned lots.

SIDE NOTE:I HATE FUCKING IDIOTS WHO CALL ME ASK ME A QUESTION AND THEN HANG UP ON ME CAUSE THEY ARENT SATISFIED< WELL FUCK YOU ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!! (Laz is at work at the moment, please forgive him for the outburst, thank you. )DA ROOF WAS ON FIRE! Anyways, I started this post on April 8th and it is now the 12th.....I'm still working it out ok.

This weekend I did a show at the improv. It was for a cancer benefit. Baltazar from KTU was on hand as our host and the place was pretty packed. At first I didn't think I would be performing, which made me a bit purturbed as I have worked really hard to have some sort of respect as a comedian. Somehow comedian and respect shouldn't be in the same sentence. Alas at the last moment I was thrust on stage. I had a good set, I was a little rushed, but a good set non the less. It was good to see some of my comic friends and shoot the shit.

This film crew from the Roof was also their to interview the comics. Since I was a late addition they were not to cordual when it came to interviewing me. Gave me some cockymani excuse that they didn't have enough time, so I made some time for them ;)

So I'm outside the comedy club and I see the film crew set up for their last shot. My boss, the cancer benefit chairmen guy, some other dude, and the wacky host guy. It was very amusing watching this host be so fakely excited about our little cancer show. He reminded me of one of those 1950's game show hosts but with a degraded vocabulary and worse clothing. So I decide to stroll over and just get in the shot. I wasn't aware I was still smoking a cigerette when the production assistant said, "Umm sir can you put that out this is a cancer benefit." Well who knew! No one told me I couldnt smoke just because Im a sagitarious ;) I put out the cig and just stood their, behind everyone, just stareing into the camera with a really dum look on my face. I dunno what came over me. Perhaps it was the last straw, maybe it was the utter rage boiling inside me from years of career frustration.

When the host finally noticed me with this suttle look of shock on his face as if to say, "Who and where did this guy come from", but - he (someone) FINALLY acknowlegded me. Of course this wasn't enough to sustain my rage. He sticks the microphone in my face and says, "So how did you come to work for this group?" and I says, "Well, they found me in a subway about 5 years ago, I think it was the A...train."

Even though we were outside, after I said that, everyone seemed to be on pause with looks of disbeleif on their faces. Is he joking? Is he crazy? "Who the hell is this guy?

The host for a moment dropped the wacky act and it seemed as though he was stuck in which point I looked into the camera and said, "Visit Justlaz.com!" After my boss tossed me aside for making a cheap plug, I walked away with a feeling of accomplishment. If noone is going to notice me or my talents I shall then make them notice. Yea.....I still have a little of that rage left over. They did cut out my little outburst but I still managed to break into the last shot check it out at:

http://www.justlaz.com/videos.htm

PHASES

I'm growing tired of working for other people. I mean my day job, Im beyond tired and the comedy thing, managers, bookers and agents don't care so why should I. No no, I think now I am going to shift my focus to my own projects. I'm about to embark upon a journey of self expression. This may be my last chance to make a difference and realize my visions.

I've been quite meloncolly lately. In the past few months I've been happier than I've ever been in my life and as misrable as a person can get, all at the same time. I'm sure lots of people feel the same way. Like this blog my mind jumps from suject to suject and will not stay focused. I've had fleeting moments of concentration but I haven't been "In the moment" for quite some time now.

A STORY I've had many stories, sketches, songs and paradies floating in my head lately but without an outlet I'm just not creating anything complete. I have faith though, something in my blood is telling me a story is brewing and when it comes out - boy - oh boy - everyone better just WATCH OUT JACK!

It was nice to shoot some shit with ya's once again, take care and screw yourselves

THE K-9 FILES

SOME HISTORY

I rent a room in a basement of a house in which a family lives. They live upstairs. While I'd rather have a place of my own, the price is right and their is nothing like coming home to a home cooked meal.

Also living in this house is the family dog who goes by the name of "NICEY", I shall not reveal his last name to protect his identity. He is a cross between a Terrier and Shitzou therefore he barks while shitting. The following is an experiment in which I intend to discover the inner most workings as well as unlock the vast mystery involving man's best friend.

K-9 Experiement #1

NAME RECOGNITION

*Jan 09, 2005. 10:05pm

Upon entering the house I observed the subject in his crate either unaware or inadvertent of my presence. This I found odd, in my past experiences most dogs react to visitors by meeting them at the door.

Experiment: After calling his name several times while adding several variables of whistles subject appears to be unresponsive. However the animal did respond after the squeaking of his favorite squeaky toy.

Conclusion: Because of a deep seeded past subject is unmotivated by humans and has tendencies of violence toward squeaky toys.

K-9 Experiment #2

TUG OF WAR

*Jan 12th 6:07pm

I observed subject barking for several hours at a light fixture. This was strange considering the light was off and completely stagnant. After several family members yelled and screamed at subject to no avail I reached for the nearest squeaky toy for a response.

Experiment: A game of Tug of War to study it's effects on subject's reflective and cognitive skills.

Conclusion: Subject is extremely competitive using a series of growls as an intimidation tactic. However lacks the skills to realize his own stature and strength. Upon closer inspection subject bit me.

K-9 Experiment #3

DORMANT SLUMBER

*Jan 16th 2005. 11:54am

I observed subject sprawled out on the couch, belly exposed, with legs open pointed toward the ceiling. He appeared to be in a state of slumber and in REM sleep. I say this because his legs jolted periodically yet his eyes were closed as if he were dreaming of playing Tug of War.

Experiment: To study a sleeping animal's senses to it's outside environment. Upon approaching subject I found it strange that he remained motionless. Calling his name. Motionless. Yelling his name. Motionless. Dangling beef jerky, roast beef, and chicken cordon bleu. Completely MOTIONLESS. After much puzzlement, contemplating whether the beast had met his maker. I decided to investigate further.

Conclusion: Subject suddenly attacked and bit me again.

K-9 Experiment #4

Final Analysis

After many days of observing the behavior and habits of our subject Nicey, I have come to a startling conclusion. Nicey is not so nicey. I have also come to realize that over the course of this week it seems the dog is observing me for his own experiment. I came to this theory after finding a notebook entitled. "HUMANS - Intelligent or Not?" Under his doggy dish.

SKOOL DAY -DREAMS

Change is scary. It's as scary as sitting on your grandpa's lap when he has a hard on. I have decided to attempt a change in my life and go back to school, well, not school school. I'm not going back to college. I mean even though I only have one year left for my B.A. what the hell am I going to do with a degree in theatre. Sure you could argue that my college is 60% females, 2 females 4 every male, but I REALLY need to apply myself and land a better job. Not to say that I'm not happy in this wonderful corporate paradise that I find myself in now (< ----Saracasim) It's time for a change.

This evening I shall embark on an adventure to NYC and visit a career school. Thats what they call it. I want to inquire about taking a program to become a certified WebMaster. Yes, WebMaster. I don't know if I want to do this to have a better career or because being called a WebMaster will make me feel superior to others.

"Hello...I AM THE WEBMASTER....ALL BOW TO ME!!"

I think a little of both.

BLOODY SUNDAY.

I skipped out on my regular stand-up spot at the Laugh Factory this weekend because I wasn't feeling well and I looked even worse. For some strange reason I got a cyst (a huge pimple) right on the earlobe of my right ear. My assistant/roomate/doctor performed a mid-afternoon operation and sliced the intruder down the middle. No puss at all, just blood....lots and lots of blood. It wouldn't stop bleeding, even when he applied painful pressure on the wound. After about 10 minutes of bleeding I started to think that I may die. I can see the headlines now,

"Man bleeds to death from earlobe."

Eventually the flow of blood subsided and the pimple now had a healthy black color to it.

This weather just makes my skin crazy. Mother Nature has been indecisive. It's like 78 below zero in the morning and 60 degrees by afternoon. I read an article about some bears who have actually come out of hibernation thinking it was spring. Right now their is a bear out their somewhere going, "Fucking Alarm Clock!"

Laterzzzzz